00:00 - Mark (Host)
Stacy.
00:03 - Stacey (Host)
Mark.
00:04 - Mark (Host)
Remember being a teenager.
00:06 - Stacey (Host)
Ugh, too clearly. I'm going to tell you something. I'm so glad social media was not invented when I was a teenager.
00:12 - Mark (Host)
Amen to that. I did not enjoy my teen years, but I did not face the challenges even of what the kids are going through today, with mental health and drug addiction through the roof and starting at such a younger age.
00:26 - Stacey (Host)
Did you see drugs?
00:27 - Mark (Host)
when you were young. I was the first joint in ninth grade and heavier drugs. I mean I was very fortunate in where I grew up and parents that helped me on a short leash and the whole thing. I didn't see a cocaine until my girlfriend in college asked me for a dollar and I'm like what do you need a dollar for? I handed her a dollar. She rolled it up and snorted a line of coke in front of me.
00:47 - Stacey (Host)
Did you break up with her right there?
00:49 - Mark (Host)
Not right there, but I was like oh my God.
00:51 - Stacey (Host)
She was super hot. You were like, I'll let one line slide.
00:54 - Mark (Host)
No, I never attracted the hot ones until I got married.
00:58 - Stacey (Host)
Good save.
01:00 - Mark (Host)
So today's guest, paul Vecchione. He's fighting that good fight against all the things that are troubling and hurting the teens in the world right now, whether it's drug abuse, it's drug abuse and mental health. It's a lot that these kids have to deal with it. You and I not even close to dealing with this.
01:24 - Stacey (Host)
I mean the energy in this guy and how he just is so focused on helping people.
01:31 - Mark (Host)
I don't know where you got the calling.
01:33 - Stacey (Host)
Teenagers.
01:34 - Mark (Host)
Teenagers specifically right, Because those are the hardest years. I think those are the hardest years. You go to 9th grade, 10th, 11th, 12th. Everything is about social and now social follows you around right Because of the iPhone and whatnot.
01:46 - Stacey (Host)
I think the hardest thing is to be a hard line with your kids these days and be like you know, no, you may not go. Do that because they hate you and you have to deal with them hating you. You know you're probably not like me. I didn't like it when my kids were angry with me. I tried very hard to ignore that I would ignore that. But you know, you can ask Eric. I didn't do an excellent job at discipline, but my kids turned out awesome anyway. They did they're great.
02:11 - Mark (Host)
But the thing is now like I send my son out, go outside and play you could say that but he goes outside with four other kids that all have phones and they're sitting there on the phone, they're playing mean, right, they're playing mean no more screens.
02:21 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah.
02:22 - Mark (Host)
So you take his phone and he's sitting next to the kid whose phone it was. So it's a whole different dimension. But anyway, there are some very serious things right that our kids are dealing with and that's what Paul Vecchioni with his, his program that he created. Two decades this man spent working with teens to help prevent the drug abuse, prevent the mental health issues and struggles but also deal with once they happen, with the schools, with the parents, with the kids, everybody collectively together. He really gutted really well coming out of this prison.
02:52 - Stacey (Host)
He really did a lot, also regardless of age, very settled and I'm very excited to check out an episode of Lee Thompson'sünkü Games. Tom Davis made an episode. He made a first-ever cycle in the탕aor helmet that I have.
03:02 - Mark (Host)
He's driving a spare 으로, mike, erosion at the end of it, and that's really how itabbles right. How does that?
03:12 - Stacey (Host)
sound right. Again you can beat Bob. He's going to fight. I don't miss this one. Don't miss it. Don't miss it.
03:17 - Mark (Host)
All right, enjoy, Mr Paul Vickio.
03:20 - Stacey (Host)
Hi, I'm Stacy.
03:21 - Mark (Host)
And I am Mark, and this is the Guru's at Game Changers Podcast. Everybody welcome in. Today we're talking about a gap, a potentially very, very big gap, between what parents of teens know about their kids at home and what the teachers of those same teens learn about and see those kids do at school. And I know you don't wanna think about this, but your kids, your grandkids, your nieces and nephews even my own son they are growing up in a sea that's rising of mental health struggles and drug abuse, and you cannot ignore it, even if everything seems fine, because here's one statistic that disturbs me and I know it'll disturb you there's been a 61% rise in drug use among eighth graders in the last five years Wow, eighth graders.
04:11
And if you had 12 to 17 year olds, one out of every three of those has used an illicit drug in the last month.
04:16 - Stacey (Host)
Wow.
04:17 - Mark (Host)
Big number right. So this is what's happening. It's a health crisis for kids, it's an emotional crisis for families, it's a social crisis for us all. But fortunately, there are people out there, like today's guest, paul Vecchione, who are fighting the good fight and they're doing amazing things, having a hell of an impact. Paul is the founder of LI Prep, which is I'm gonna read it so I don't get it wrong which is the Long Island Prevention and Resilience Enrichment Program.
04:45
This man has dedicated more than two decades of his life to help kids and schools and the families deal with and navigate these issues. He knows what drives destructive decision making. He can spot and tell you what even the tiniest red flags are that parents should be looking for and, more importantly, he knows what to do about it. He knows how to help them navigate this to keep our kids happy and healthy and, arguably, their hardest part of their lives their teen years. So please listen. Someone you love needs to hear this information. He's seen it all. He's here to share it all, paul Vecchione. Paul, nice to talk to you again. Welcome to the show.
05:21 - Stacey (Host)
Thanks for coming.
05:22 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Paul. Hey guys, yeah, it's great to be here. That was an awesome intro. Thank you so much.
05:27 - Stacey (Host)
So, paul, why did you get into this field?
05:29 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Tell us about the origin of starting what you're doing now, sure so, as Mark mentioned, I've been a teacher up here on Long Island for about 20 years. I was a teenager once myself, as we all were, so just kind of being immersed in the teenage population. The last couple of decades I've seen a lot, I've witnessed a lot. I've seen a lot of things, a lot of gaps, a lot of cracks that I felt my experience and my years as a teacher could kind of help fill so we can get these kids back on the right track.
06:04 - Mark (Host)
You have little ones. I have a teen Stacy, has slightly older than a teen, right, but they all have the same challenges. But what are those biggest challenges from your perspective? Because you're deep in it, you've been deep in it, so tell us, because we're not Right, we don't live it. We live our home life.
06:19 - Stacey (Host)
We live our biggest challenges. We live our kids. We live our kids. But you know, because you've seen so much of it, you know what we don't yeah.
06:26 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, and you know, I think everyone says, well, when I was a kid, we didn't have this, this and this, but you know, we obviously had our set of challenges then. But I think today it's it's a little different. They are navigating a world of fast information, you know, information, overload of social media, the pressure to be good looking, the pressure to do well in school, you know, and again, I think there's just this onslaught of of things that kids are facing today that they don't really have the tools to address unless they go out and seek them. You know, and I think society is finally catching up because, look, it all happened at once.
07:02
I think the iPhone was 2007, within 10 years, we all had one, we all have our social media, you know, tags and things like that. So, but you know, I think kids would just kind of, you know, took the bull by the horns with all that stuff and what ended up happening was some of the issues that kind of came out. Because of that, you know, I feel like we weren't caught up on yet and I think we're finally starting to starting to get there, you know.
07:25 - Stacey (Host)
Is alcohol a gateway drug Like you know how? What do you do as a parent?
07:30 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
So so I think, yeah, when we were kids there was alcohol. There was, you know, I mean, the two things we we tried to get when we were 13, 14, 15 years old was was cigarettes and beer, right, right, and you know, and you know, when you saw a pot and you know, and you know, I think marijuana was always around. I think it was always part of, you know, part of the scene when we were kind of growing up. But now it's a little different in that, not so much alcohol, I mean, it's still out there, but you know, kids are vaping today. They're getting a lot of nicotine and a lot of THC from these, from these vape pens, which is just, you know, miles above what, what you know the dose of things we were getting when we were kids.
08:09
So, and you know, to answer your question of alcohol as a gateway drug, I think maybe not as much as it was, because, again, I think kids are, you know, kind of veering off some things, especially with the. You know, with the vaping they can get themselves their hands on a lot of THC from marijuana through a vape. So I think they're, you know, their target drug is that, and then what ends up happening is they don't know some of the other drugs that are in. You know the marijuana that they're getting these days, because you know dealers are lacing it with you know fentanyl and things like that. So that's when, when bad things happen with overdoses and things like that, which is just terrifying for sure.
08:43 - Mark (Host)
So you're kind of speaking to the trends I guess that you've seen and I kind of want to explore that, like, how has it changed? And you're speaking to it, but how has it changed from 20 years ago Not when we were kids, but 20, just in the last 20 years when you started out, to now?
08:58 - Stacey (Host)
And what does that mean for the? That's fair.
09:02 - Mark (Host)
That's fair for me Okay, how has it changed and how have the tools changed to address those problems?
09:10 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, so when we were kids, you know there was dare. I don't know if there was, you know, in in your neck of the woods, but when we were kids we had, you know, a police office to come in once a year, open a briefcase and show us all the drugs and show us all the things and tell us the things we shouldn't be doing. They've actually and I have nothing against dare, I think they did a great job with what they were trying to do. But you know, there was some studies that came out that suggested dare actually led to more drug use because it kind of piqued their interest. Yeah, things like that.
09:37
But so, in terms of how it's changed again, I think just the inundation of information, you know, and the speed through which they kind of you know, I mean kids can get their hands on anything they want nowadays with their cell phones, you know, and I think the the strength of things that are out there are a lot different than what they are today. It's something like, you know, when we were kids, the marijuana, the THC levels in marijuana, was like 0.2 or 0.3%, and you're talking now 25, 28, 30%. Yeah, so, and you know it's, it's all done to. It's just like anything else to keep up that customer, to keep people coming back with a better, stronger, bigger product. You know so.
10:15
But you know I think it's kind of evolved in in this, this, this kind of pathway, where you know there's more out there, there's a faster, easier way to get it and you really can't blame you know a kid who's, you know, 12, 13, 14 years old, because they don't know any better. And that's where we come in. I think the adults in their lives really have to play an active role in in, you know, not only learning themselves, but then you know turning it around and working with the teachers and the education staff and the community leaders to really get this information out there so that everybody's aware. So when there's that red flag, we can all work together to help them through it.
10:48 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, so how does Long Island Prep work? How do you work, you know? Do you work with schools, do you work with companies? You know, and talk to the parents Like how, how do you work and how do you make an impact?
10:59 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, so really all the above. You know, when I first started I had a partner and him and I were just kind of moseying around how to get some information you know, but you know, him and I split amicably back in 2018 and I said you know what?
11:14
that really wasn't what I wanted to do anyway.
11:16
So let me figure out the best way to go about it and I think, using my experience as a teacher, working with schools and working with parents, I figured out that the best way to, you know, to approach it is to include everybody, all stakeholders, in a child's life, including the children, right? So we want to teach them in school. We want to give them reinforced, evidence-based, you know curriculum in kindergarten through 12th grade. Then we want to educate their parents and their teachers, you know. And then we want to figure out when there's a red flag, how to help them.
11:43
So I kind of developed an intervention plan that schools can work with directly with all stakeholders, to figure out, you know, when there's early, when there's a problem spotted, we want to intervene and, you know, nip it in the bud before, because prevention to me, you know, it's so much easier to avoid becoming an addict than when you're an addict to you know the cure, because there is no cure for addiction, you know. So prevention, prevention, prevention, intervention, awareness, information that's really what we're trying to accomplish with Long Island Prep.
12:10 - Stacey (Host)
What are some of the red flags Like? When you're saying mostly it's teachers who are on the front lines, right? So what do teachers see, your parents see that they should be concerned about with their child?
12:21 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Sure.
12:21
So I always use the line that teachers and parents are, excuse me, both the first and last lines of defense right.
12:28
Once a kid leaves home, it's their education staff that's gonna spend all day with them, and then, when they come home, hopefully it's their parents who spend the most time with them. So those are the people in their lives that are gonna see something first, and you can kind of go down the line with just being withdrawn or not being involved in activities or hobbies that they've liked before. If they start hanging out with the wrong crowd, if they're on their phones all the time, if you notice their attitude about school has changed, if you notice their attitude about family has changed or really just a shift in attitude. Physically, you can notice some things too marks in their arms, their eyes, if they're listless or tired, or if they're not doing what they used to do in school, what the level they used to do. So there's a whole host of things. But I think a parent or a teacher who's informed and can spot those things first is really gonna go a long way to helping a child on the right track.
13:23 - Stacey (Host)
Teenagers. They're listless a lot of times and a lot of those things like I wonder if people could be overzealous, like looking at their kids, like wait is my child on drugs. Like how do you does that then? Does that hurt the process? Like make them work?
13:37 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah and it's really a fine line because, just like you said, a lot of teenagers are gonna be disinterested in school a lot are gonna be tired and just wanna see their friends or go on their phones. But I think when there's a noticeable shift in their habits and it becomes obvious that hey look, something's going on here, if they're sleeping too much, if they're becoming agitated with things that didn't agitate them before, and again there is that line because teenagers are gonna.
14:05 - Mark (Host)
you know, it's hard for them, yeah.
14:08 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
But you know, they're in that gray area of their lives where they're not children anymore, but they're not yet adults. So they have to experiment, they have to go out and take risks right, because their brains aren't fully developed until they're 25, but we need to make sure where we know, especially in this world, with all the things that are out there, what's impacting them and how we can help them.
14:29 - Mark (Host)
So I have to ask you personally, I'm probably less concerned about drug use with my son than I am about his mental well-being, right? Because if you look at the stats, friend groups are shrinking. Kids are not doing the social things they used to do anymore. Some of the young adults like Stacy has some young adults they're not leaving the house as much. There seems to be this shrinking cocooning which is isolating, which plays into their mental well-being, right? So that is more of a concern for me. When I see my son, like hey, what's wrong? Right, and he's a happy kid, I'm very blessed he's a happy kid. But if he's not, at that moment my brain isn't overdried. Like, oh my God, what's wrong? Are you okay? Like I don't say that to him, but that's what's in my mind. So go back to trends or go into what can we do about that? Like, what are the warning signs of that?
15:22 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah. So that's a great question, because and I kind of get couched on that a lot because when we were kids, again when we were kids, it was different, but it really was, because the street light was the sign to go inside and eat dinner. You know, I mean we were outside, we were playing manhunt, we were playing pick up basketball and baseball and the neighborhood kids got together, kicked the can. We were absolutely.
15:45
Yeah, so, and the reason for that is because there wasn't anything in the home to entertain us as much as our friends were outside, right?
15:52
So I think now, again, to blame technology and to blame the fast paced world of social media and of video games. You know, a kid can come home and for eight, nine, 10 hours, just sit on his or her game console and, yeah, sure, you can talk to kids, just like we're speaking now, but that interaction, that physical, human interaction, is lacking. So, to answer your question, I think we've got to get our kids out, we've got to get them involved in things that they enjoy, that are physical, or that's music or art, you know, things that will give them confidence and self-esteem and things that they love, you know. But to let a kid and I'm not suggesting that you do this, but to let a kid just kind of come home and spend most of their time on their phones or their iPads or their video games, you know it's doing them such a disservice and I think we're missing that physical interaction today that we had when we were kids.
16:48 - Stacey (Host)
You know, yeah, like my dad used to literally turn the television off and say get outside.
16:51 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Get outside. I don't care what you do, we've lived it.
16:54 - Stacey (Host)
We've been here and we would do it, but I don't my kids. I didn't do that with them. Like I don't think parents are doing that as often and I don't judge that. It's just not part of what the lifestyle is now. So what would you tell those parents? Like definitely get stricter, like make your kids go outside, like what would you?
17:12 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Well, no, I think I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you know what?
17:17
I mean parents, you know, again, back in the day, you know, my dad worked. He took care of, you know, six of us and my mom was home. Now mom is working right. So when mom comes home at four or five o'clock and nothing in the house is done, it's much easier to let Johnny or Susie go sit on the couch on their iPads or something. So I think parents have to be cognizant of that fact and really one of the crucial factors of, you know, teen mental health and teen drug abuse is parent involvement.
17:46
You know whether it's dinner with them or, you know, doing things that they like going out for a walk, being active, and it sounds so simple. But if you can find that time and you can, you know, devote your time to them, you know they're going to come toward you more and want to do those things Cause you're the ones who care about them the most. You know. I mean we couldn't. We had to be home at five o'clock to sit at dinner and have a conversation about school, about friends, about relationships, whatever it was. We had no choice, you know. So we're trying to do that with my kids. So I think parents have to take an active role and really be mindful of those activities, because you don't necessarily have to be strict. You want to make it more inviting for them to spend more time with you, and with you know the people who care about them.
18:27 - Stacey (Host)
And maybe start young cause like by the time they get to be 16, 17, if you're saying you know you must sit down at dinner with me, then you're going to spend the entire dinner with a surly child, with a surly adult, teen adult, you know so we all know that.
18:40 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
We've been there, but still you should push it right, that's what you're saying, absolutely yeah, okay, get involved and and you know, let them know that you love spending time with them, that you love bringing them to soccer practice and watching them do well in sports or art or music, and, and it really does make a difference.
18:55 - Mark (Host)
Paul, what? What are some of the examples maybe the best examples you have of something that the parents just don't realize more often than not?
19:05 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, it's so much easier today to be secretive. If you're a kid, you know the conversations that they're having online. I mean between the, between the dark web, between social media. You know, look, kids can get their hands on pornography. They can get their hands on fentanyl.
19:20 - Mark (Host)
Hey guys, thanks for listening. If you like what you're hearing, please leave us a review, give us a follow, subscribe, like subscribe, all those things, all those things, all those things. We love it cause we read each and every comment and it helped shape the show, so we would appreciate it.
19:33 - Stacey (Host)
Please, and back to the show.
19:37 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
They can get their hands on anything they want if they try hard enough and really in some, some cases, it's not that difficult. So my, my best piece of advice for that is check there, check their social media posts and their social media accounts and check their text messages. You know, get involved with how they're. You know having a social life on their, on their devices, because I think parents think that everything's okay sometimes and sometimes it's really not, and I think just a couple of you know some inquiries or some questions or some involvement will really reveal a lot. So, you know, get involved with you know help them with their homework. Or, you know, just spend time enough so that they know that, hey, you know my parents are in my life, they mean something to me, that you know. If something goes wrong, you know it's somebody who I can trust, that I can turn to.
20:23 - Stacey (Host)
Wow.
20:24 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah.
20:25 - Mark (Host)
How do I get my son Not that he doesn't, but this is the big deal. He's 14, arguably the hardest year, the first year of high school right of anybody he's stepping into it. I remember in ninth grade I was offered my first joint in ninth grade, right, and I remember that very well. How do I get him to make the right decisions when I'm not there? How can I be that voice that's in his head but he doesn't think it's me and he thinks it's him.
20:51 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, that's a great question and that's probably one of the biggest challenges that, you know, the parent of a teenager has.
20:58
But you know, I think, when you instill in them the right lessons, from you know, from Jump Street, like I said, you know, my kids are two years old, eight years old and nine years old.
21:07
So you know, we're trying to. You know, once they're teenagers they gotta walk the line because they have to be, you know, somewhat risky. They have to take, you know, I think, risky, risky things as part of being a teenager. But if they know right from wrong and you know, if you're involved in there every step of the way, just having that presence in their lives, you know, knowing that, hey, I don't wanna disappoint mom and dad, yes, I have to live a normal life as a teenager, but there are boundaries, there are lines, and the other thing is they've gotta know that if they screw up, they can come into the kitchen and sit down with you at the table and say, hey, you know I screwed up, and not get punished or scolded, but be, you know, have somebody there who's gonna guide them through, because teenagers, I guarantee it, there's gonna be times when you're like man, what were you thinking?
21:53 - Stacey (Host)
You know, Amen. I'm wondering, like as an adult, as a parent, like, how much of an example are you? So like? Lots of parents have parties, they're drinking like marijuana is legal now in a lot of places. Like you know, I have a couple of friends who've decided they're not gonna drink anymore because they've seen their children watch them drink and it hasn't been positive. How much, how important is that?
22:17 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah. So that's another great question. Guys, you did your homework because you know there are really four main factors that lead to teens you know teens' intentions to try drugs. It's parent involvement, like we said, peer pressure, misinformation, like the social media, and then access and exposure. So when kids see their parents doing things, it's not what you tell them, it's what they see, right. So and that's not to say that parents can engage in you know, adult behaviors.
22:46
You know when their kids are around, but you know, I think, that they've gotta be cognizant of the. You know the extent to which their you know kids are exposed to these things. How they're gonna act. I mean, do you really wanna get, you know, full down drunk with your 12 and 13 year old? You know watching you and things like that, and you know what.
23:04
It's crazy to me, but today I hear stories all the time about, you know, parents smoking marijuana with their kids and it's like, well, I mean what are you thinking? I mean they're gonna do what you do. So if you don't want them doing that, and even if you don't think it's bad, I mean think about it. You know there's all kinds of research and studies that suggest that a teenager who's gonna smoke pot. It has all kinds of impact on their cognitive abilities, of their development, of their you know the prefrontal cortex, their ability to make decisions and their inhibitions. So you know, if you wanna smoke pot, okay, kids, but how about we wait till we're 25?, when everything up here is in full order? You know, and I'm not advocating for that, but you know parents who are smoking pot with their 15 and 16 year olds. I mean, you know, give me a break you know that's a toughie.
23:48 - Mark (Host)
Has there been one case that you've worked on? I mean, you've worked on countless cases, right? What do you bring home? Is there some case that it was specially emotionally?
23:59 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
So it really it breaks my heart when I see parents who are just not interested. And, like you know, growing up I was lucky enough again to have a big family, a big Italian family. My mom and dad were always there. They're very supportive, very loving. Yeah, so I had that. I understand it's different today.
24:22
It's very difficult for that, you know, to be the case today for some kids.
24:27
But when you see the parents who are struggling and they're doing their damn this to help their child, that's inspiring, that's encouraging because you know they're trying. When a parent has given up and they're like, hey, you know I don't know what to do with him or her, you know you take over, it's like, well, no, you know you're their parent, you're the most important person in their lives, hands down, so I don't wanna hear that. I wanna see you going through the. You know the steps that you have to take to be that positive influence, to be that advocate, that loving, nourishing adult in their lives, because if you're not gonna do it, they're not gonna find someone out the door who will Interesting. I work with a lot of at-risk kids, you know for my job as a teacher and you know I've been in the alternative school with them and I think again just that general sense that you know this kid is kind of on their own, there's very little parental involvement and you know God bless them because they have a long road ahead, you know. Oh.
25:21 - Stacey (Host)
I don't like that. That's just. That's so hard. I have a question how do you get your kids to stop vaping and sometimes, like, parents don't think their kids are because they're pretty sneaky about it and you can't smell like cigarettes? Back in the day, I used to go out in the woods when I was way too young and I would come home and I would smell like you know.
25:42 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
you would know I was smoking a cigarette and I would get in trouble and whatever.
25:45 - Stacey (Host)
even if I took a shower you'd still smell it, but these days you can't smell the vapes Like. Number one how do you know your kid's doing it? Number two how do you stop them?
25:55 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah. So that's a great question. Turns out a lot of times when kids are, you know, vaping or engaging in any of these behaviors, they're talking about it with somebody. You know one of their friends is doing it with them, you know. So I mean I don't, you know, advocate being sneaky, but maybe you have a relationship with your child where you know they're open to telling you these things or learning about it. You know, we had an assembly at my school a couple months ago and this woman from the health department up here on Long Island went through all of the dangers and all of the health risks and all of the things involved in vaping and I walked out of there nauseous you know so you know hearing that as a 14 and 15, and, look, you think at that age that nothing can harm you.
26:37
So it's really up to just you know, being educated on it, and you know, in terms of getting a child to stop, I mean, you can do that to you know, until you're blue in the face, but really it's gonna come down to you know, just like you said, you knew smoking was bad, but you went out in the woods and did it and at some point, right, I mean.
26:53
But at some point you said I have to stop this. And you know, I think information and awareness, and you know, education is the start of that, because without that you have no chance.
27:02 - Stacey (Host)
Can we get our hands on that presentation from that lady?
27:05 - Mark (Host)
Because I love to show my daughter who still vapes at 23.
27:09 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah that's true, yeah, and I mean you know you talk about popcorn, lung, and I mean there's so many things that they still don't know about vaping, how bad it is because it just became popular, I'd say in the last 10, 15 years. You know, they didn't know about smoking until the, you know, the 50s and 60s and finally they caught up and said, hey, this is bad, we should probably stop doing this. You know.
27:31 - Stacey (Host)
So scary.
27:32 - Mark (Host)
That's funny. I said it to my son often. I said you know if grandpa, my father, they were smoking at 12 because they didn't know the dangers. We grew up with sugar galore and you know the sugar companies lying to Congress instead of the and the cola companies saying, oh no, no, we're fine, we're fine. The next one is vaping. We just don't know. But 10, 20 years from now it's gonna come out just like cigarettes and just like all the sugar impact. I find my son doing drugs. What do I do? What is the best way to approach him? Right, I mean 14, 17, whatever it is, you don't wanna send him off, especially if he's 18, right, what do you do? Then he can say you can get out of my business.
28:16 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Yeah, that's really a hard one, but it's something that parents or teenagers obviously are faced with every single day. So a couple of things. A you have to know that you're there to help them. Look again that 12 to 20-age age gap. Kids are going to do things. They're going to experiment with things. They're going to like things. I mean drugs. They work. That's why people like them, because drugs work. That's why they're doing it.
28:46
So you have to approach it with an open mind. You have to listen and, aside from just the experimentation phase, a lot of times kids are doing drugs to cope with something or to avoid some situation that it's easier to get higher drunk than deal with being bullied or deal with anxiety or academic stress. So there's something there that's causing them to engage in that behavior and they're not prepared psychologically to deal with it, to cope with it. You are, as their parent. Your job is to figure out what that is and then you can start getting them help for that. So I'm a big proponent of mental health.
29:26
Addiction and mental health are brother and sister. One is the cause of the other and vice versa. So I think once you figure out that there's something going on, then it's your job to get to the bottom of it and then figure out the best way to help them. And really, if they're doing drugs to cope with something or to avoid something, get them some kind of professional who can help them through some of these anxieties and some of these things, because they're not going to be able to do it on their own. And, as their parent, you're their number one fan, you're their number one advocate. You're not there to scold them and yell at them and punish them. You're there to get them through it together in a positive, meaningful way.
30:02 - Stacey (Host)
I was just going to ask that. So I'm assuming that you don't think parents should be friends with their kids? Is that the case?
30:13 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
No Again. I wasn't friends with my parents until I was 22, 23, 24 years old. There's got to be that line of authority. There has to be that, because why are we letting 15 and 16-year-olds do and engage in behaviors that adults should be doing or maybe shouldn't be doing, but no? Parents are there to obviously provide everything they can for nourishment and healthy, loving homes and help with their issues, but then, when they cross the line, parents have to be the authority, because without authority there's no consequences. Without consequences, there's chaos. So we don't want that.
30:55 - Mark (Host)
Low Island Preps, a mediating institution. It's focused on prevention, to help the kids avoid having to go through hell and come back out again. But there aren't enough of you. I've heard it said many, many times. There just aren't enough of you guys out there to stop that. And then, if you look at what has to happen, I wrote down some things. You need household financial security and public awareness campaigns. You need high quality childcare and preschool, social emotional learning programs, mentoring, afterschool programs. It's understandable why people will say it's too big. The problem is just too big. You disagree. What would you say to those people?
31:34 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Oh, I absolutely disagree, because the key to this whole thing is awareness, information, education, prevention, because knowledge is power. It sounds so cheesy and so generic, but when we know the issues, when we know the problems, when we know the dangers, the consequences, where our antennas are up, we're on the lookout for things and we can step in and we can prevent things from getting out of control, because it's very simple for things to get out of control when parents aren't involved. I think that it has to be a societal shift. I think our government, our local, state and federal government, peoples who are in charge of all these things, have to extend their reach into the local communities to help not only organizations like mine, but schools and communities and parents, because it's going to take a big concerted and coordinated effort to put a debt in this thing, because overdose deaths are rising again for the sixth or seventh straight year or something. And look at something that we have to pay attention to as a society and as a country.
32:48 - Stacey (Host)
Was there someone who guided you when you were young that made you so strong to help out other parents, like you're helping out now and being a teacher? I mean, I just have so much respect for teachers. How did you get there?
33:02 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Thank you, yeah, so again, it started at home, with my mom and dad and my brothers and my sister just having that foundation, because then you kind of go out in the world. We always learned the value of hard work, we were always taught that, we were always taught to respect people and institutions and everything. So it started at home and then I was lucky enough to go to a great school when I was growing up, and then a couple of great colleges after that where I had great teachers and I had great professors and, yeah so, mentors. I think the two I would actually pinpoint the most would be my mom and dad Both together that's awesome.
33:45
Yeah, mom was always the softer one, but dad was always the authority, but together it was like a tour de force. We had no choice. I kind of brought those lessons into the classroom with me and I tell you something that I always tell people. If I can go back to my interview when I became a teacher in 2004, and the people around the table, you're all intimidated and they say, okay, so why would you be a good teacher 20 years ago? I'm saying, well, I have this degree in this, I know how to do this, blah, blah, blah.
34:14
I would throw that all out the window and I would say the biggest and most important thing you can do as a teacher is establish a trusting relationship with your students first, because when they know that you're there, you care about them, you're there to help them with everything they're going through and the hardest times of their lives. It's easy to teach them math. It's easy to teach them English and Shakespeare. I mean, maybe not Shakespeare, but for me it's always been establishing those relationships first, because then everything else after that is really, really easy. Wow.
34:47 - Stacey (Host)
Wow.
34:48 - Mark (Host)
Finish your sentence. For me, if I could give every teenager one piece of advice, I would tell them Keep going.
34:59 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Don't stop, as hard as it is, no matter what it is. Get up in the morning I know I'm going to course you, but get up in the morning, put your feet on the ground and just keep on going, because what you're facing today, everything has a beginning, a middle and an end, and there's always a solution to a problem. Don't quit, don't give up and find people in your life, who is, who can help you through anything that you might be going through. There's always somebody there who wants to have that positive influence. If you don't have them already, go and find them and have them help you through it. Love that let's do the same thing for parents.
35:38 - Mark (Host)
If I could give every parent one piece of advice, I would tell them.
35:43 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
Talk to your kids, involve yourself with them in every way you possibly can, whenever you can be there for them in every situation good, bad, ugly and different. You need to be there for them every step of the way, and you can't quit either, because if you quit on them, they're going to quit on you, and that's obviously something you don't want to do. I'd be happy to talk to anybody and everybody who I can help through these crazy crises that we're going through today. Guys, I really appreciate being on. Get the message out to help parents and help kids.
36:15 - Mark (Host)
Paul, I can't thank you enough for coming on.
36:16 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
This has been great, it's been wonderful.
36:18 - Mark (Host)
I knew when we talked you had a lot to offer to the audience. I still feel like there's so much more to learn.
36:23 - Stacey (Host)
I'm definitely going to be following you and looking into all your programs and looking forward to it.
36:27 - Paul Vecchione (Guest)
guys, this was awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you.
36:38 - Stacey (Host)
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