How do You Find True Love? | Ep 026

Ever felt like swiping right is more of a gamble than a gateway to love? Luxury matchmaker April Davis joins us to unravel the tapestry of modern romance for those who've grown weary of the dating app carousel. With a discerning eye, she curates connections for elite singles through her bespoke service - LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, which transcends the superficial encounters of digital courtship. LUMA doesn't just pair profiles; they weave narratives of potential love stories that begin with attentive interviews and thoughtful matchmaking. If you've ever wondered how to transform a first date from a simple meet-up to the first chapter of something truly special, April's insights are your guiding star.

As our conversation with April unfolds, we illuminate the dark corners of digital dating's low success rates, and the skewed attention dynamics plaguing hopeful singles. But it's not all doom and gloom—April's service is a beacon for those aiming higher than a mere financial match, targeting the heart's desire for a deep, committed partnership. Whether you're a young professional or an octogenarian, April holds the steadfast belief that love knows no age limit and opportunities for romance are ripe for the picking. Her expertise slices through common misconceptions like a knife through butter, proving that matchmaking isn't about desperation; it's about strategy and efficiency in the quest for a meaningful connection.

In the heart of our exchange, we tackle the skeptics' views on matchmaking head-on, debunking the myth that it's a last resort for the loveless. Here, April offers a masterclass on the strategy behind selecting a soulmate. We discuss how societal shifts, from remote work to the murky waters of identifying singles in a bar, are shaping new dating paradigms. Advice flows freely for women teetering on the brink of giving up the search, and for men, the emphasis on openness might just lead to the most unexpected, yet fitting, partners. April's expertise doesn't just light the way; it promises a journey of discovery in the search for love that's as unique as the individuals embarking on it.

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Transcript

00:02 - Stacey (Host)
Have you ever used an app online to find a true love or a? 

00:08 - Mark (Host)
hookup To find somebody to cut down a tree Anyone? 

00:11 - Stacey (Host)
No, like a date. 

00:12 - Mark (Host)
No A dating app. I met my wife 25 years ago at work, so it was easy. Okay, have you yeah. 

00:21 - Stacey (Host)
Eric and I met on E-Harmonie. We met online. Did I know that before? I don't know. 

00:25 - Mark (Host)
Wow, I don't know. It's a successful, happy relationship. 

00:27 - Stacey (Host)
It really worked for us. We met each other and we lived five miles from each other. 

00:30 - Mark (Host)
How about that? Yeah, that's crazy. 

00:34 - Stacey (Host)
From what I'm hearing, the apps aren't the best way to find your love these days. 

00:38 - Mark (Host)
They're a mess. Yeah, all the old ways don't work right. I mean, hopefully you know somebody who can say, hey, I got a guy, or I got a woman that I think you're, and then what are the odds? 

00:45 - Stacey (Host)
of that work? Have you ever been set up on dates Like it's brutal. It's brutal. 

00:50 - Mark (Host)
And it was semi-blind. We sort of knew what each other looked like. We had met at a wedding once, but neither one of us really remembered How'd it go? I was great. 

00:58 - Stacey (Host)
But obviously I'm not with them. No, no, no. 

01:01 - April Davis (Guest)
No, it's fine. 

01:02 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, no, the thing about our guest today, april Davis. She runs a luxury matchmaking service for elite singles those are the words, right, and it's I said in the podcast. It's like it's having the ultimate wingman. It's somebody who's got your best interest at heart, knows you to your core, because they take the time to talk to you and then they go out and say I'm going to go find you somebody. 

01:25 - Stacey (Host)
Like that's an awesome service and they have a database of 50,000 people that they can go in and pick from and then give you 100 people to choose from. 

01:35 - Mark (Host)
And then they talk to what? 50,000? They talk to 50 of them and they cut it down. They interview them. 

01:41 - Stacey (Host)
They cut it down and they give you 10, but they've already done the first date for you. Basically, Isn't that crazy? 

01:46 - Mark (Host)
It's such an interesting look into a world that none of us really, unless you've done it none of us have any idea how it actually works, and it's so cool because there's so many insights that she has, having done this really since she was 16. She did it for the housewives, for one of the housewives For one of the housewives, yeah. 

02:02 - Stacey (Host)
The real housewives of OC, I think it was. Shannon, and she's also which. She's also done other cool stuff too, I forget. 

02:11 - Mark (Host)
I mean her client list. They have, you know, it says elite singles, and it's really professionals, right? The attorneys, the executives, the entrepreneurs, the therapists, the engineers, their Doctors, tons of doctors, right, tons of doctors. A lot of female doctors, she said, and anywhere from their 20s all the way up to their 60s. A lot of them are divorced. Looking for, I want to get it right, next time right. 

02:31
It wasn't a good go through or run through the first time, so I want to get it right. So how do you get it right? You hire somebody who knows how to do it. 

02:37 - Stacey (Host)
Instead of, she has tips and tricks too tips and tricks for the first dates, like you know things that you should know everyone like don't talk about politics or religion. 

02:46 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah Right, it's common sense, like she has hints right. 

02:51 - Stacey (Host)
So if you're in, If you're looking for love, this is a good one. But even if you're not, the story she tells fantastic, they're fun. 

02:59 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, it's fun, it's a fun, it's a really good list, so enjoy, miss April Davis. 

03:06 - Stacey (Host)
Hi, I'm Stacy. 

03:07 - Mark (Host)
And I am Mark, and this is the Guru's Game Changers Podcast. Welcome everybody. There is arguably nothing more life-changing than meeting somebody and falling in love, right? The problem is, in order to fall in love, you first have to meet somebody, and nowadays that is probably harder than ever. Right? The old methods aren't working, which is why so many people turn to online, so many people turn to all the apps out there, and while we all know people who have met online and have fallen in love, we've also heard countless stories of disappointment, of time wasted and of money wasted. 

03:44
But if you haven't yet met your person, don't despair. Today's guest, april Davis she has your person. She has that person waiting to meet you. She's a founder of Luma. It's a personalized, upscale matchmaking service for elite singles, men and women anywhere from their 20s to their 60s. And she has your person waiting for you. How Well. Luma doesn't do algorithms like all the other apps. Instead, they actually sit with you, they actually meet with you and they figure out one-on-one to find your one. Who is that person that best matches your personality, matches your lifestyle, matches your goals? It's like getting a head start on your first date, because there's already connections happening before you even ever meet. So April's been doing this a long time. I think she matched her first couple that got married at the age of 16. So she's been doing this a long time and knows all about it. So let's explore the fascinating world of luxury matchmaking with today's guest, april Davis. April, welcome to the show. 

04:44 - Stacey (Host)
Hi, april. Hey, thanks for having me today. Thanks for being here. So can you tell us, before we get started, the story of the couple you set up at the age of 16? 

04:54 - April Davis (Guest)
When I was 16?, yeah, so I was a waitress in a small cafe and I'm from Northern Minnesota, and so I had this guy that would come in almost every day for lunch and he was, well, what we call a regular, and I knew he was single and I even knew his son. His son would come in sometimes and so I had one of my colleagues had told me she was single as well, and I just got a feeling that they would be a good match and so I set them up and they ended up getting married and loving happily ever after. 

05:30 - Mark (Host)
How do you get into this field? Like you have any desire to help people, that probably jazz you when you're able to put them together right and see them be happy. 

05:37 - Stacey (Host)
But, how'd you decide. 

05:38 - Mark (Host)
This is what I want, is my career. 

05:41 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, I had heard about matchmaking from a friend of mine. He had met with a service, and so I guess that's what kind of planted the seed for me to even know that this was an industry. And then I met my husband who's now my husband, but at the time we were dating we were talking about relationships all the time and he's a divorce attorney, so he kind of gave me a little bit of a different perspective. 

06:03 - Mark (Host)
Lots of insight right. 

06:05 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah on the on relationships and what works and what doesn't, and I just realized there was a huge need for people to not only meet the kind of person they're looking for, but the right person for them. And so, for example, there's a lot of people that end up getting divorced, that where one of them doesn't want kids and the other one does, or they're of different religions, and these are obvious things that you should know upfront and they probably should have never met to begin with, and so that's why we take such a values and goals focused approach to when it was setting up people on dates. 

06:39 - Stacey (Host)
What kind of pieces of advice would you offer those individuals who are kind of hesitant to jump into this type of matchmaking? 

06:46 - April Davis (Guest)
Well you kind of just talked about in the intro. You were saying now is harder than ever to meet people. Well, you can meet people pretty easily. You just go online and order up a person like you ordered. But online dating has about a 7% success rate. 

07:05 - Stacey (Host)
Really Not really good, are you kidding? 

07:07 - April Davis (Guest)
No. And if you even read the small print on these apps and stuff, they say at the bottom that this is an entertainment platform. No promises. Yeah Well, if you think about it. If you do well, they lose money because it's a reoccurring revenue system. They want people to stay on their platform, keep using their apps. 

07:29
They don't want you to get in a relationship because, then you'll stop using their service and they don't even know really how many people truly end up in a relationship because they'll just stop using their service. So the odds of actually finding your person through an app are pretty low. The number one way is still through someone else, like either a friend or a service. That's the best way to still to meet somebody for a long-term, committed relationship. 

07:55 - Mark (Host)
I guess it's not even really the purpose of most of those apps. It's really that first date just to attach yourself to someone, not necessarily fall in love. I saw an interesting study where and it speaks to why you just said it's so low the success rate I saw a study that said that 95, that 5% of the men on dating apps and dating sites garner 95% of the attention from women. The same 5%. So you have 95% of men getting no attention, not getting the swipes, not getting the contacts, or I like you or whatever, and that's disheartening right, yeah, and I wonder what percentage is of the women? 

08:35 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, did you look at that. 

08:35 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, no I never heard that one, but it was more of a man's study. But what are you seeing that the women want then? 

08:42 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, with apps, all that is really the photo with the apps. 

08:47 - Mark (Host)
That's what they're going. 

08:48 - Stacey (Host)
They're just looking at pictures and they're just looking at them. 

08:49 - April Davis (Guest)
They're not reading profiles, especially men. Men do not read profiles. 

08:52 - Mark (Host)
They just Wait. 

08:53 - April Davis (Guest)
there's profiles yeah exactly, and I think women tend to what I've heard from the apps women tend to look at. They'll read a little bit more and they're interested in personality. I think one of the top things women say they're looking for is somebody that can make them laugh or confidence, and that doesn't always come across in a picture, whereas men their number one thing they're looking for is always attraction, and I mean in both people, attraction is super important for both genders, of course. 

09:27 - Stacey (Host)
So you talk about elite members, right, and members who are from the age of 20 to the age of 60. What does that? I have like a two-part question, sorry. What does that mean? Like an elite member and also like I, my mother-in-law is 80 and she's looking for love, so what advice would you have for someone who's 80? 

09:47 - Mark (Host)
I love it. 

09:48 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, when I think of elite, I think of people that are maybe at the top percent of their field or whatever it is. They have higher standards. They're looking for someone that not only Not just not matches them necessarily, but it's a compliment to them and will be therefore a good match. So most of our clients are they're just high achievers, successful. They expect a lot from themselves and then, therefore, they expect a lot from their partner and they're not necessarily finding that in them on their day-to-day, and a lot of times these people don't want to just walk up to somebody at a restaurant or bar and hit on them. Especially with the Me Too movement, these men are a lot more sensitive to that. They don't want to be perceived as a creeper, and a lot of our clients are successful business owners. They have that HR mindset. They don't want to offend anyone. 

10:42 - Stacey (Host)
They're just, they're good respectful. 

10:44 - April Davis (Guest)
They're respectful people and it's hard to know, and that's why it's really great with a service, because you have intent there. Same thing with online dating you don't know if that person's on there just to get attention. A lot of times, people don't even have any intention of meeting anyone. They're just looking for attention or looking to hook up. So this is when people come to us. They're actually looking for a committed relationship Now that's not. 

11:13 - Stacey (Host)
Is there a certain salary requirement or do people have to have a certain amount of money to be? No, it's not something. 

11:22 - April Davis (Guest)
There's not a salary requirement. I mean, our service is very high-touch, it's a concierge type of service. And we use people, not algorithms, not apps, not AI. We have to meet with people, we have to interview them, see what they're really like and what they really look like not their filtered photos and then we can see who would be a good compliment. 

11:45 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, no catfishing Alas. 

11:47 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, no catfishing. 

11:47 - Stacey (Host)
But what about my 80-year-old mother-in-law? She's out of luck. She can't join your services. But what should she do? 

11:55 - April Davis (Guest)
Well she could join definitely. Oh, really OK, Anyone can be in our database for free. There's no cost to be in the database, because you just never know, Just because somebody is a client and they're very successful, that doesn't mean that they're looking for someone else that is maybe financially successful too. They want somebody that they can explore life with, or just a companionship, and maybe somebody that wants to travel and stuff. It's not just about money. It's about life goals and stuff and we work with people of all ages. 

12:27 - Stacey (Host)
Oh good, ok, so you said 60. You got that home. Yeah, there we go. 

12:32 - Mark (Host)
So a quick question about your membership, your database. Are you vetting people Like how do you keep a bad actor out? Are there red flags for somebody who wants to become a member? 

12:43 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, with the apps and everything, anyone can make a profile or anything can make a profile. 

12:48 - Mark (Host)
So you, have a lot of Anything. 

12:49 - April Davis (Guest)
Anything. 

12:50 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah. 

12:51 - Mark (Host)
Some AI profiles in there now. 

12:53 - April Davis (Guest)
So I think with AI, we're going to end up in a world where there's just bots talking to bots and on these apps and stuff, and so with us people can they fill out their profile and then we can learn about what they said, they've said about themselves, and then we set up an interview where we actually see them and we will vet them on behalf of our client. And there I mean, we have over 50,000 members in our passive database, so we have a lot of that's our proprietary database. We have a lot of people to choose from. So obviously there's going to be a lot of narrowing down of the funnel to find a perfect match for our clients. 

13:35
But yeah, we don't take everyone as a client. 

13:38 - Stacey (Host)
I actually really love that. I know it's a cool line. I really love that because you know if you're jumping in there you've got the cream of the crop. 

13:44 - Mark (Host)
Yeah. 

13:45 - April Davis (Guest)
Longer rematch, that's why we vet them before they even can become a client. So, we can be aligned on what their expectations are, because that's just it. You have to have reasonable expectations and we have to have potential matches for them. 

13:59 - Stacey (Host)
You did some matchmaking for the real housewives. 

14:01 - April Davis (Guest)
What was that like? 

14:03 - Stacey (Host)
I just know my friends would love to hear these stories. 

14:05 - April Davis (Guest)
I was grateful that I was working with Shana, because she was awesome and I even was able to introduce her to some people and had some success there and she was a pleasure to work with. But it is scary, you don't know. I mean seeing the show, you don't know what's going to happen and a lot of people think these things are scripted and it wasn't and they basically are like here go you guys go do this. 

14:34 - Stacey (Host)
What are three things people should never do on a first date, women or men? Well, I'm glad you asked. 

14:40 - April Davis (Guest)
We actually give people rules. 

14:43 - Mark (Host)
Oh rules, I can't wait to hear this. I love it. I love it. 

14:47 - April Davis (Guest)
We do send people rules for a first date and it's just to assume some people it might be common sense, but these are just things that we see time and time again that end up being the reason why somebody is not interested in seeing someone again. So never talk about sex, religion, politics or your ex especially on a first date. 

15:09 - Mark (Host)
On a first date, yes, talking about your ex. 

15:11 - April Davis (Guest)
Especially negatively of your ex. 

15:13 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah. 

15:14 - April Davis (Guest)
It's actually, I think, more of it's attractive if somebody can say something positive about their ex, the parent of their child or whatnot, but don't just leave the exes out of it. You have so much you could be talking about. You just met and you've been on the planet for X many years. There's probably a lot of other things you can talk about, and the other thing is people will end up talking about maybe the site that they met, unlike their past dating experiences, because they know they have that in common. But there's so many other things that you should be talking about and just exploring who they are and their passions, your interests and stuff, rather than talking about anything negative. It just makes you seem like a negative person and that's never attractive. 

16:00 - Stacey (Host)
So you coach, you coach people before their first dates. Do you do that? 

16:03 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, I mean, those things are actually in the. When we confirm a date, we put that in the email, like those. 

16:10 - Mark (Host)
I love that. 

16:12 - April Davis (Guest)
Another one we say is don't have more than two drinks, because I mean time and time again somebody was drunk and they said something they shouldn't have. 

16:19 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, I love it Sees like common sense, like I just feel like people should know that and also don't talk incessantly. 

16:27 - April Davis (Guest)
Like don't talk incessantly about yourself, right, Right. Well, you know what they say about common sense. Yeah amen, Not all that common, it's not all that common. I guess this is why guys, you celebrate 83%. 

16:38 - Mark (Host)
I saw that on your website 83% success rate of people entering six. What's the word I'm looking for? 

16:44 - April Davis (Guest)
Serious relationships yeah. 

16:46 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, so there are. Are there in your experience? Are there certain dimensions where you really need to connect on these dimensions to have a shot at a long-term relationship? Like, for instance and maybe it's a demographic thing, but, you know, has kids, doesn't have kids. 

17:03 - April Davis (Guest)
Or once kids doesn't want kids. I mean at that stage of life. 

17:05 - Mark (Host)
I know some of your people are divorced and entering stage two, act two, act three. What would be those like? You really got to nail these if you're going to have these in common and have a chance at a relationship. 

17:17 - April Davis (Guest)
Those ones come to mind right away because those are your values and your goals. And then you have to get the whole kid thing aligned. You know somebody wants children, or if they don't want children and people around 40, it's a weird paradigm because you have some people that want to have children for the first time and then you have other people that are literally grandparents. 

17:40
So it can go both ways. So it's getting those right, getting those things right. But, like geographic parameters, we can work around that. Especially nowadays, everybody's working remote and they're just a lot more mobile, depending on the kid situation. But there's a lot of people that are willing to date somebody that's in another state than they are and they can travel or they can move even so we're going to cross yeah date across the country. 

18:08 - Stacey (Host)
You put these two people together, correct? So you'll be like, OK, here is maybe your choices, Like how does it work? Tell me how it works. 

18:16 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, we go through a whole series of questions with the client and for potential matches where we're learning all about them their background, where they grew up, children, their exes and what do they like to do for fun, what are their goals, you know the future and then we can do a search within our own. We have our own proprietary database, we can do filters and we can come up with say we come up with 100 people that kind of fit our narrow search and then we literally will go through person by person and look at their profile, reach out to them if they look like a potential match and on average, we end up interviewing about 50 people per client. 

18:58 - Mark (Host)
Wow, wow. 

18:59 - April Davis (Guest)
So it's like we're going on the 50 first dates for our clients, yeah, yeah, and we set them up on a date and we'll plan the date and everything. We give them feedback coaching before and after, because we get feedback after the date too, and then we're able to relay that to the client and I think that we're just. We do come up with a lot of people that are kind of stuck, because I think our society has really turned us into this. I call it the Amazon Instant Gratification Society. 

19:33 - Mark (Host)
Hey guys, thanks for listening. If you like what you're hearing, please leave us a review, give us a follow, subscribe, subscribe all those things, all those things. We love it because we read each and every comment and it helps shape the show, so we would appreciate it. 

19:46 - April Davis (Guest)
Please. And back to the show, where we think well, especially with online dating, it's coached people to believe that they can just order up another person. If this one doesn't work, then I can just order another one. And that's why I think our divorce rate is so high, because people are like, oh, it's just disposable, I can find another one, I can just order another person and I don't need to invest, or I don't need to stay committed to this relationship. And that's also some insight from my husband, by the way. 

20:14
Can't just order up to the divorce lawyer, yeah yeah, who has also, by the way, he's saved a couple of relationships. He's had people that have come to him, they think they want to get a divorce, and he's coached them. He's had many people tell him that he should be a therapist, because he just he sees things differently and is able to give people some insights and help them to stay together. 

20:39 - Stacey (Host)
Wow, what do you think you guys do to assist those people that have gone through a divorce? Is it different than, maybe, someone who's looking for their first marriage? 

20:50 - April Davis (Guest)
Yes, I mean, it's different a lot, because it's usually a different age group too. 

20:55 - Stacey (Host)
Oh true. 

20:57 - April Davis (Guest)
So are looking to have children, and so they're just wanting different things and they also might need some different coaching, whereas if somebody's trying to blend families and they're looking, they're just in a different stage in their life altogether. So it of course it always depends on the person. Exactly, yeah and I. We get a lot of people, so women in there around 35, who are doctors, and the reason being is they've put off the relationship for their career and residency and now all of a sudden in their own 35, they're like, oh crap, I need to take care of this. 

21:37 - Stacey (Host)
I need to take care of this, yeah. 

21:40 - April Davis (Guest)
And so that's, and they're busy, so they end up going to a matchmaker, Sure. 

21:45 - Mark (Host)
They don't have time to go to the bars and they probably don't want to bother with the apps right. 

21:50 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah, and they're looking for somebody that you know is professional has a stuff together and wants a relationship. 

21:56 - Mark (Host)
Right, you're like the ultimate wingman Wingman. Yes, just put everything in your hands like fix me, help me. You know what I love, you know what I want? Go, go get me somebody. 

22:08 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, and that's so. I was kind of talking about it before with the coaching and stuff that I think that with our society being so much about, like instant gratification, I can just order up a person. We have to get people back to this understanding that you're not just, it's not like buying a car and you get to pick out your features you want and then it's it's a fit based on the kind of features, because this is a human and it's a relationship. It has to go both ways. And just because somebody has some characteristics or like the right kind of whatever traits that you think you need in a relationship, for a relationship, that doesn't mean that you're going to have a relationship. You might have a person that has these traits, but really what you want is a bonding relationship, is that connection and that's what a relationship is. 

22:53
And oftentimes people are their worst enemies because they're so hung up on these characteristics or these traits that they think they need in their, in their list, and they're not open to allowing somebody to that come, to come in and, you know, have that kind of relationship with someone that maybe doesn't quite hit all the line items on their list, and we try to help them to see, like are those really necessary? Really not. You know, if I look at my husband, he's not at all like anyone that I had dated before and he's very, very different, but at the core our values were aligned. You know, it's just the external stuff. I just was a very different kind of person than what I had ever thought I would, who I would end up with, and I'm really grateful that I allowed myself to Awesome Branch out. 

23:42 - Stacey (Host)
How would you counsel those people who are in there saying no, no, no, no, I need a guy with brown hair. 

23:48 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah well, we kind of blonde. 

23:49 - Stacey (Host)
So I can't you know, like what do you? How do you? 

23:52 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, like, another thing is that comes up a lot is like I can't date somebody that already has kids, like, or with a divorce or something like that. And then you just dig into the why why is? 

24:02
that. Well, because the last person I dated was like this and did it and that didn't work. Okay, so does that mean that we need to exclude everyone else just because one person didn't work out, or they were like this and that, like you have to get into the reason in the background? I'm like, why is that an issue for you and help them to see that just because this happened in the past, the one who doesn't mean that it's going to happen with everybody else, so they didn't have a good relationship with their ex or there was drama, or blah, blah, blah. 

24:27
You know, there's plenty of people that are different than that, and I think we're such a we can be so judgmental and we can be so quick to just put everybody in a bucket. And one thing that I've learned in this job is that the moment you start to stereotype people, then you'll meet somebody that just blows that stereotype out of the water. I love that. I'm a very open minded person now. I'm very non judgmental now because I just people are always surprising me, like when you just you can't. You can't just judge or know that somebody's going to be like XYZ just because of a profile. You have no idea, yeah, until you really get to get in there. 

25:03 - Mark (Host)
Do you have a? Do you have a story around that of someone like wow, I never expected that to happen during a matchmaking process. 

25:11 - April Davis (Guest)
I, you know self as an example all the time and I mean, I just I think of it so many times. There's so many people that are just that you look at them and you think, oh well, she's just like this or that, like I used to be a professional snowmobile racer. You probably never guessed that. 

25:28 - Stacey (Host)
For real. 

25:29 - April Davis (Guest)
Oh yeah, nice, I'm similar like, and I did it for 10 years and, yeah, don't look like the kind of person that you would. 

25:36 - Stacey (Host)
Oh no, you do, I could see, I could see. Oh good, oh yeah, for sure yeah. 

25:41 - April Davis (Guest)
But most people would tell me that they're shocked when they learn that about me or like I'm just, I'm from a small town. I grew up really tomboy and just had a different kind of upbringing than maybe some of my peers or other people that are around me and where I'm at now. So it's just you never know somebody's story and you never know what they're capable of or who they are, until you get in there and you really you can't just judge a book by its cover, right? 

26:09 - Stacey (Host)
It's just they won't. You should coin that phrase. 

26:12 - April Davis (Guest)
That's a good one. I like that one. 

26:15 - Stacey (Host)
What do you think the biggest misconception about Luna is? Like when people hear about this or when they're and maybe we're feeding into, like some of that, but what do you think it is? 

26:25 - April Davis (Guest)
Well, I don't know if it's the biggest one, but I have had people say that they think that, well, maybe if somebody has to use a matchmaker, that they're desperate or something, and that's gonna be further from the truth. Most of our clients are busy professionals and executives business owners that they're used to outsourcing things. They might hire somebody to clean their house or they might hire a nanny to take care of their kids during the day. Because their time is very valuable. They wanna spend it actually maybe on their career or with their family. They don't need to spend a bunch of time online the responding to messages and dealing with apps and stuff. So it's all about efficiency really, at the end of the day, because we have the kind of database of people that they're looking for and we can get them in front of each other. 

27:19 - Mark (Host)
I'm fascinated by this whole topic, right, so I went and I did a whole lot of research. There was a joint study by Harvard and Yale together, and maybe you heard of it. It turned out they called it the marriage crunch, and they found that college educated women at the age of 30, if they were still single, they still had a 20% chance of getting married, but only five years later, at 35, that number dropped from 20 to five. They had a 5% chance of getting married, of ever, getting married Of ever. And when they hit 40, if they were still single, not divorced if they were still single, they had a 2.6% chance of getting married. 

27:57 - Stacey (Host)
What study is this? 

27:58 - Mark (Host)
It's from Harvard and Yale. You can look it up. 

28:00 - Stacey (Host)
I've never heard of it. I haven't either. Harvard and Yale. Have you ever researched this? No, this is interesting, crazy. 

28:06 - Mark (Host)
But what's that? Tell you right? That tells you that it's almost impossible to use the old ways unless maybe you know somebody. But social social media going to a bar, I mean that almost never. I'm sure it still happens, but it's just not. Certainly meeting people at work is not what it used to be, with all remote work and meeting people at school, their entire semester is being done online. 

28:28 - April Davis (Guest)
It's just a lot harder. Well, and going out to bars or restaurants where I met my husband I was, I think, 26 at the time Okay, so you're not really doing that when you're 36. 

28:39
You might go to a restaurant, but it's cool and also it just doesn't really happen. People aren't conversing like that, especially at that age, and because you don't know who's single, and if you're out at 26 and you're out at like a restaurant or bar or something, you're probably gonna be single, so it's hard to find those that are single. I can definitely see that, though, especially at 40, if a woman hasn't been married yet. Now it's also, I always think about like that, men that are 50, that have never been married, that's a huge red flag. He's so good for women. I hear that all the time. So, yeah, there's, they can be challenging because you, they, just you know people get set in their ways. 

29:22 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, yeah, part of it. Maybe they just don't want to get married at that point right, not, they're desperate to get married. I mean, I'm sure that number is fed in multiple ways. 

29:29 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah, and that's also why it's a red flag is because they might have that Peter Pan syndrome where they come out and get sort of down. So we have names for all these things. 

29:40 - Mark (Host)
In that vein, answer this sentence or finish this sentence. The one piece of advice I would give to we'll say women, the one piece of advice I would give to women who are on the verge of just checking out, giving up and saying I'm just not going to get married, even if they tried other things, the one piece of advice I could give them would be they need to just open up their, open up their parameters, because they're probably stuck on this like mindset, like I need to find a guy that looks like this, has this kind of job, does this and did it, and that's my guy. 

30:13 - April Davis (Guest)
And what's the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So if they would open their mind to maybe a different type of guy, they might be really successful with it. I just saw this couple where she is a doctor at the Mayo Clinic. It's very prestigious hospital and she's a very successful woman and she's dating this like motorcycle mechanic guy. 

30:40
And they're very happy to be there Probably not the kind of person that you would have expected. Another client that we had one time she was also a doctor, a really successful doctor, and she was attracted to guys that were like artists or chefs and it's just being open minded and what kind of package that person could come in and so like in that case. That was the second lady that I described. She was kind of almost too narrow because she thought that, okay, he has to be a chef, he has to be someone that has an artistic background. 

31:15
I can't date somebody that is just like corporate or something like that, where you don't know, just because somebody's job is not who they are and who their values are and stuff. Like that chef or the guy that you think is so perfect for you he might cheat on you or he might just not even want a long-term relationship. But this other guy, that's great. It's just I see it time and time again where these women actually they go through this what they think they want and then years later they realized the guy that we introduced him to he was a great fit. But you kind of miss that point. The ships sailed, so now they're wishing they would have pursued their relationship. 

31:51 - Mark (Host)
Does that advice, your advice, change for men? 

31:56 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah, I would say so. I mean it's you kind of deal a lot. Guys are just they're different, they're women, have you know, are a lot in their head and everyone. I mean this is something A lot of people have know this I'm sure. But they get fixated on things, they have this huge checklist of things, whereas a lot of times guys, with some of them, do have long lists and they can be super picky, but usually there's a way we can work through it and stuff. But guys, just a lot of times, if they're attracted to her and she's like cool, I just say she just has to be hot and cool. 

32:36 - Stacey (Host)
Hot and cool. They're less specific, they're less picky guys. 

32:40 - April Davis (Guest)
They. Well, the more successful in finding a relationship guys. They're the ones that are tend to be. They let people be who they are and then just appreciate the kind of relationship and look for the connection that they're looking for. You know, just let people have their preferences If they wanna wear a certain kind of clothes, if they wanna do a certain kind of job, but look at more who the person is at their core. That's what ultimately matters at the end of the day, cause if you're planning on getting old with somebody, if they have a six pack or not, if they have brown hair, if they have no hair, none of that matters, because we're all gonna end up looking the same eventually and you want that person that's going to be with you if you get sick and be supported above you, if you're building an empire or something or just you want that partner for life, not necessarily somebody that just checks a bunch of boxes. 

33:29 - Stacey (Host)
Wow, I think you've seen it all. I can't even imagine what you've seen. We haven't even started to delve into all things. 

33:35 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, we should do this around drinks. I bet we get better stuff. Yeah, I really wanna get the full scoop of stories. No, that's so very well said what you just said at the end there. That's all I think anybody's ever looking for, and how do you? 

33:47 - Stacey (Host)
think we can help you in our platform to get you what you're looking for with your business. 

33:54 - April Davis (Guest)
Like we like to try and ask that to see if there's any way we can help you promote something or Well, we just we're always looking at growing our network because we wanna find that one person that's a right match for our clients. So I just would encourage everyone to just go to the website it's lumasearchcom L-U-M-A it stands for luxury matchmaking searchcom and fill out the profile form and if they want to be a proactive client, they can schedule an appointment to meet with one of the matchmakers. If they just wanna be in our database, they can fill out their profile and give us more information about them, so then we can consider them as a match to our clients. 

34:32 - Stacey (Host)
And is that a free service to just be on your profile, or do you need to pay for that Right? 

34:35 - April Davis (Guest)
the database is free To become a client. It's an investment, okay no, that's great. 

34:40 - Stacey (Host)
You can still use the database. That's fantastic. And be matched with them, and then make your decision based on who you see in that database. 

34:46 - April Davis (Guest)
They don't see anything. 

34:47 - Stacey (Host)
We the matchmakers are the only ones that see it. 

34:50 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah, so it is confidential. Our clients are all confidential and everything in their information Anyone that's in our database. Their information is confidential also. 

35:00 - Mark (Host)
That's perfect April. I can't thank you enough for having come and shared all this with us. It's been a fascinating look. I knew it would be Fascinating look inside this world. Nobody ever sees what's inside this world, so I'm sure you were saying before we got on it's a great topic of conversation. If you ever mentioned what you do for a living, and I get it because this has been a great conversation. 

35:19 - Stacey (Host)
Is there anything else you want to mention before we hop off? 

35:22 - April Davis (Guest)
It's like look at every opportunity every day as an opportunity to learn something. You can get something from every experience that you have. I think it's so important to go in with a fresh mindset every time and just look at not necessarily how like, okay, I expect to get something from this person, but why not go in with a giving mentality? You know it's always better to give than to receive. So I'm going to go in and I want to give this person a good time. I want them to enjoy themselves, so I'm going to be genuinely curious and ask questions of them and learn about them. And so, therefore, I'm going to get something, because I'm going to learn something about someone, even if you learn that this person's a narcissist. 

36:01 - Stacey (Host)
And you learn, even if what you learn isn't so great. 

36:05 - April Davis (Guest)
Yeah, well, they might be passionate about something, so you can learn something about whatever they're passionate about. 

36:10 - Stacey (Host)
Well, thank you for your time Thank you so much. You're a pretty crazy busy entrepreneur. I understand that, so I appreciate you. Take care. Thank you, april. 

36:18 - Mark (Host)
Thank you, Kim, Take care. Thanks you guys. Thanks for watching. 

36:25 - Stacey (Host)
You're still here. You're still listening. Thanks for listening to the Gurus and Game Changers podcast While you're here. If you enjoyed it, please take a minute to rate this episode and leave us a quick review. We want to know what you thought of the show and what you took from it and how it might have helped you. We read and appreciate every comment. Thanks, See you next week.