Trauma Elevates Growth? | Ep 028

About the Guest: Stacy DiStefano | Consulting for Human Services
 
Discover the transformative power of resilience as we sit down with Stacy DiStefano, whose journey through the deepest valleys of personal loss illuminates the path to growth and positive change. Stacy's candid recount of her experiences—navigating the passing of her young daughter to cancer and her son's harrowing battle with addiction—teaches us the profound strength found in the face of life's cruelest moments. Her story, a testament to the enduring human spirit, is bound to resonate with anyone who has been touched by grief, offering both solace and inspiration.
Her mantra, "Don't look back because that's not where you're going," serves as a guiding beacon for all of us working through our own struggles, reminding us that finding the gifts in our grief can lead to honoring legacies and moving forward with intention and hope.

And check out the successful company she built amidst all of the turmoil... Consulting for Human Services!

➡️ Talking Points
(00:02) - Overcoming Tragedy With Resilience
(05:01) - Coping With Loss and Trauma
(14:22) - Navigating Grief and Saying No
(20:36) - Navigating Family Trauma and Business Success
(32:04) - Gratitude for Podcast Feedback

➡️ More info about Stacy DiStefano
Website: Consulting for Human Services: https://www.consultingfhs.com/
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➡️ Thanks for watching - Ep 028 - Stacy DiStefano

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Transcript

00:02 - Mark (Host)
Whoa Mark, Whoa is right. 

00:04 - Stacey (Host)
Whoa. 

00:05 - Mark (Host)
Whoa positive and whoa scary. 

00:07 - Stacey (Host)
Whoa everything yeah. 

00:09 - Mark (Host)
That was a. That was a, quite I don't even know how to describe it. 

00:12 - Stacey (Host)
Well, I felt emotionally drained after the interview, but in a good way that means anything. 

00:20 - Mark (Host)
I mean part of what her take is is using the negative that's happened to you and turn it into a positive force. I don't know. It's hard to describe what we just heard. 

00:30 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, I mean, stacy DeStefano is incredible. She's gone through so much and she uses all of it to help push her forward and she's a fantastic leader for her own company, right. 

00:44 - Mark (Host)
And she's so positive. 

00:45 - Stacey (Host)
Yes. 

00:46 - Mark (Host)
Like this is you see somebody, you don't know them. They have this great, brave face, they're super successful in the world of business, they're engaging and they're inclusive and they're all these things that you would aspire to be, and yet they're background. They've gone through some tough times, but that's helped shape who they are. 

01:03 - Stacey (Host)
I mean, the loss of a child to me is just probably the most thinkable worst thing you can ever go through and she says you know she talks about how it was absolutely horrific, horrible, but there's positives that came out of it. 

01:22 - Mark (Host)
Positive. 

01:23 - Stacey (Host)
She goes to show what kind of a human being she is in general. 

01:26 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, so much loss, not just loss of a child, so much loss and so many other difficulties within the family. And you know, one of her phrases is don't look back because that's. Don't look backwards because that's not where you're going. 

01:40 - --- (Other)
I love that that came out of this yeah. 

01:42 - Mark (Host)
And she exemplifies that she lives it. It's a great time to get into somebody's head who you really benefit from hearing. 

01:48 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, not to say that her business in two is fantastic and you need to hear about that. So everybody listen to Stacy DiStefano. Hi, I'm Stacy. 

02:00 - Mark (Host)
And I am Mark, and this is the Guru's and Game Changers podcast. Welcome everybody to Guru's and Game Changers. Today's guest, stacy DiStefano, is a great example of somebody whose personal stories and outlook on life you need to hear from stunning, unthinkable setbacks that include watching her son struggle with a drug addiction, losing her four-year-old daughter to cancer, but all the way to inspiring successes like launching her own high-end strategic consulting firm, and all the life that happens in between. She has been. She has turned what could be insurmountable tragedy into astounding positive growth. Her drive, her resilience, her mindset is what has set her apart and above so many others, and her desire to pay all of that forward is why she's sitting with us today. So we are incredibly thankful and grateful that she's here and share with us the belief that in her words, there are gifts in the loss. I find that quite profound and how she embraces those gifts to still come out on top Stacy. Welcome to the show. 

03:05 - Stacey (Host)
Thank you, stacy. Hi, thanks so much for being here. Oh, my gosh my pleasure. 

03:09 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Thank you, you're welcome. 

03:11 - Stacey (Host)
There was a post that I post on LinkedIn from Nancy Hicks, who was a guest on this show, and it talked. It was really powerful. In fact, I think it got like over 265,000 views on TikTok. 

03:24 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
So obviously it resonated with people. 

03:26 - Stacey (Host)
So I heard a lot about this post and you had reached out to me in a DM and you told me that you didn't necessarily agree with her perspective. 

03:34 - --- (Other)
Because a friend of mine said when her son died years, 20 years ago, 19 years old, in a car wreck. She said so beautifully spoken. She said here's the deal. If God had said, kim, you get to have a son, but the deal is you only get him for 19 years or not at all, and she said, I choose 19 years. I thought that was so profound and brave. And here, do you think I walked that journey with her. Do you think 20, some years later, I would be in the same situation? And I have thought of her wise words many times. 

04:12 - Stacey (Host)
Like when you saw the post, what were you thinking and how did it apply? 

04:15 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, I mean, first of all, I'd never want to invalidate someone's experience, so this is not a she's wrong and I'm right situation, it's just another perspective. So I think, having gone through that pain of loss and having watched the suffering of her, and having watched to this day the continued suffering of my other children and my family members at the time, and all of that, I don't know that I would have chosen that experience. Do you mind talking? 

04:46 - Stacey (Host)
about what happened? No sure yeah. 

04:50 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I mean. So it's interesting because at the time I was going through a divorce, I had Avery was four, my son Jack was six and I had twins that were 11. And it was this kind of start of going to mom's, going to dad's, and she would cry and not want to go and say my stomach hurt, my head hurt and all those things, and we just thought it was psychosomatic, it was anxiety, it was stress. 

05:15
She's four dealing with divorce, dealing with all different things, and so we just kind of ignored the stomach ache headache for a while because it wasn't intense. She wasn't a complainer. And then at daycare there were times where they said, well, she'd complain of a stomach ache or she looked like she was going to throw up, but she never did and we took her to the doctor and the pediatrician would say it's anxiety, psychosomatic. 

05:40
We never would think that it was something no no, no, it went on for a couple months, but nothing intense and she was also. She loved to dance and she was very. She was not a good dancer, so none of my kids are particularly athletic and so she would fall down, do her little spins and fall down and we just thought it was funny. She was kind of a clumsy kid. I am very awkward and clumsy. 

06:05
So this was I am, I'm not athletic at all, and so this wasn't anything that we called out as odd. In hindsight it all came together. But at one point the daycare was calling and saying look, I think she needs to go to the pediatrician because if this is anxiety, it's happening now too often. So I took her back and they said well, she's a little dehydrated, take her to the ER, get some fluids, and then she might have a virus, all of these things. So I took her to the local hospital. 

06:34
This was in a suburb of New Jersey at the time. They did some tests and he asked me some questions and did this thing with light in the eyes, and he did it again and did it again and he said does she fall down a lot? I said, oh gosh, she falls down all the time, you know, she's like her mother, she's very clumsy, you know. And he said I want to do a CAT scan. And I said fine, and they do this thing and they come back with like four doctors and nurses and a counselor and they said she has a tumor on her brain. And I said to myself this is a local hospital, they don't know what they're doing. 

07:08 - --- (Other)
This is ridiculous. 

07:10 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
And they said we want to get a helicopter and take you to Children's Hospital, a helicopter. So I'm thinking this is like the most dramatic thing. That is going to be a funny story later, because none of this is true. So I think, having gone through that pain of loss and having watched the suffering of her and having watched to this day the continued suffering of my other children and my family members at the time, and all of that you know, I don't know that I would have chosen that experience. Because I think you know, when you look at it from the lens of you know, certainly you get, you get lessons from it and you have learnings from it and you can spin all those things and that's fine. But I think, when you look at it in and of itself, of that painful experience and what that child had to endure, I would never want that for me, never, especially at that age and all of those pieces. 

08:06
So you know, I understand that lens of you know of what she's saying, I think for me. I just saw it so differently. 

08:14 - Stacey (Host)
In your mind. You know God really isn't a factor. 

08:17 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
No, Right and. 

08:18 - Stacey (Host)
I think a lot of people might feel the same way. 

08:20 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, I mean, I think that's a very common way for folks who, where religion is a core part of who they are, you know, to view that as like this, this was you know meant to be. This is my suffering, this is my cross to bear. Quite literally, you know, and I don't see it that way. I mean, I'm not someone who, where religion is a big part of my life, Right, and so you know, I don't see that, you know as well, this is, you know, this was God's will or meant to be. 

08:47
I mean that doesn't fit for me. So I sort of argue that point of what would the plan be that a child would suffer? 

08:53 - Mark (Host)
Right. 

08:56 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
It was raised Catholic. I joke, I gave it up for Lent once and I never took it back. 

08:58
But yeah, I mean, you know, if I'm wrong and at the end of my life you know I meet a higher being I'm going to have some questions. Yeah, because I don't. I don't see suffering as something that a four year old child should have to endure. And then, you know, my kids are now. You know my twins are almost 27. My son is 22. You know, that's 16 years of this carrying with them and being a huge part of you know who they are today and suffering and trauma and things that they've had to endure. You don't, you don't just get away from that. So would I sign up for that again? Yeah, for my family, no. 

09:34 - Stacey (Host)
I sure wouldn't. 

09:35 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, I've had many years to understand and this may sound silly, but to understand that ripple of grief, right, because I dealt with that so intensely and suddenly and just all consuming for the first, probably five years after she, my daughter, every past Of course, but it only was maybe, I'm going to say, five years later where I realized they lost their granddaughter. 

10:01 - --- (Other)
Yeah. 

10:04 - Stacey (Host)
And that's a. They watched their daughter Right and I saw the layers of that you know, interwoven in our family. 

10:09 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I couldn't see the bigger picture of that. And then it sort of hurt all over again, because then I grieved for them having to. You know, you have all these layers and so again, never would I say in any situation. Yes, I would, I would do that again. 

10:24 - Mark (Host)
You did say there's value in the gift. There at the gift, I'm sorry. There's a gift in the loss. 

10:29 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Sure. 

10:30 - Mark (Host)
What has been that gift all these years later? You must have discovered? 

10:33 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I think the first thing is my life was 100 miles an hour. You know I was getting divorced. I was. You know, I had a career, I had a million things going on, three other kids involved in so many things and had just worked on the first Obama campaign, right. So all I mean just 100 miles an hour of a life and that just screeching halt, right. And then you do the things right in front of you at that point. So it forces you to slow down. It forces you to prioritize. What are the things I really wanna do today, need to do today, can do. It gives you permission to say no to so many things in your life that you probably should have said no to a long time ago. But it also really to me, continues to this day to let you understand what is a crisis, what is something to get upset about. And I sort of joke now, throughout my career in the last 16 years like you can't stress me out, I mean there really isn't anything that could happen that right. 

11:38
I mean it puts perspective on what is a bad day, what is something to worry about, and you may have a bad moment and you may have a stressful day. You may have things that happen that are super frustrating, but in the grand scheme of things that's a blip. So it gives you a sense of peace around the rest of your life because you know, nothing else can be worse than that, Right. 

12:01 - Stacey (Host)
At the same time like you were dealing with your daughters dying, I guess your parents suddenly passed away within like a year of each other. 

12:09 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, yeah, that was a couple years later. It was one of those. So she died. Avery died. She was diagnosed in April of 2008 and she died 100 days later, so it was incredibly fast, which I'm grateful for, because I have so many friends who I met during that experience parents whose child suffered for years, Did she? 

12:30 - Stacey (Host)
leave the hospital. 

12:31 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
In that time she did we came home with from hospice at the end of July and she died August 8, 808, so August 8th, a couple years later. My mom was very active, fit, never smoked, never drank. She had gone to Mexico with about nine girlfriends to celebrate one of their 70th birthdays. My mom was 69. I know amazing and she was terrific. So she came back from Cancun and she had a lot of stomach aches and we thought she got a bug or something from being in Mexico and this went on for a couple weeks and she went to the doctor and found out she had massive bile duct cancer and tumors all in her liver and she died like 45 days later, completely out of the blue. And that was no talk about replaying trauma, of chemotherapy talks and cancer and the hospital and then home on hospice and she actually died. I was in the room with her the night that she died and it was like living that all over again. 

13:34
And then, almost a year later that was in May in 2016. In 2017, absolutely out of the blue, my dad died in the sleep of a massive heart attack. And not I mean, my dad was like the moon and the sun and my idol and my work mentor. And so my dad to say I just wanna die in my sleep. And then that's what happened. 

13:56 - Stacey (Host)
Wow, he manifested it. He manifested it, but maybe he could have waited a little longer, though I mean, I wish he could have waited about 20 years longer. Yeah, I'd have waited a little longer. What kind of advice would you give for people who maybe don't know how to handle? 

14:09 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
How to handle the reaction Breathe or the yeah, what can they say? 

14:13 - Stacey (Host)
Everyone's like. What can I say? What can I say? 

14:16 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Oh, my gosh. I love that you asked that because I've had that conversation so many times with other parents in this situation. Say you don't know what to say, and it's awful. Just say I have no idea how to respond to that. That's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I mean, it is not. Everything happens for a reason. 

14:33 - Stacey (Host)
No, it's not Like they're in a better place, they're in a better place. 

14:36 - --- (Other)
It is not in a better place, it is not, I mean at least you have other children. 

14:40 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
It is not I have heard everything that you can hear. I mean it's wild, and if I ever wrote a book I would have a chapter on what not to say. Truly to say, this is awful, it sucks and. 

14:54 - --- (Other)
I don't know what to say. 

14:56 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Because that's true, that's right and you're not going to fix, there's nothing. You're going to say that's going to make it better, so just acknowledge that it's shit. I mean, that's really the best you can do. 

15:07
I love that and also just acknowledge it. I always misquote this and I want to attribute it to the right person, but I think it's Elizabeth Edwards remember John Edwards, and they had lost a child. And she has such a beautiful statement that I hope I give justice to, and it says something like please talk about my son or ask about my son Because, trust me, you won't remind me he died. I always remember. 

15:34 - Mark (Host)
I've heard you say on other podcasts. I've heard you say in other interviews say my daughter's name. I want to talk about my daughter. 

15:41 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I mean there's nothing weak about that. The best are the stories, so someone can. 

15:46 - Stacey (Host)
Like I remember going when I went to my dad's funeral. I was just shell shocked Because he died in nine weeks out of cancer, completely healthy but we had to go through. So I remember sitting there and being like what this was the first real close person to me who died. What have we? How am I going to have a talk to people? And the older people who had been through multiple people dying in funerals would come up and say, oh my god, your dad was hilarious. 

16:12
He did this thing he used to throw napkins across the table and those stories, the best you know, the best, they're just, they just are, and it's like, just exactly like you said, you're not gonna remind me of the death I know Every day. He died. Every day. I feel it all the time. But remind me of the fun stories, remind me of the joy. 

16:31 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Or tell me something I don't know. Send me a picture. 

16:33 - --- (Other)
I never saw Fantastic. 

16:34 - Mark (Host)
That's a gift. 

16:36 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
When someone sends you something that you didn't see or didn't know, talk about your people. 

16:41 - --- (Other)
Like talk about your people. 

16:42 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Or ask you like what is your favorite memory of your dad? Yeah, and what a gift to be able to talk about. 

16:48 - Stacey (Host)
There's a minute there where I would stop talking about them. 

16:50 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
That is a gift, is, you know, asking questions Like hold some space for people to have that memory, you know? 

16:57 - --- (Other)
I have four kids. Only three are living, but I have four kids. 

17:00 - Mark (Host)
Yeah of course, and you always will. Yeah, that's right, that's right. You were talking about the power of saying no and how it gets you to yes, but you also said don't look back. 

17:08 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, because you're not going that way. I love that phrase. Yeah, I am a very good deliverer of the word no. 

17:15 - Mark (Host)
Hey guys, thanks for listening. If you like what you're hearing, please leave us a review, give us a follow, like, subscribe, all those things, all those things. We love it because we read each and every comment and it helped shape the show, so we would appreciate it. 

17:28 - Stacey (Host)
Please, and back to the show. You know, no, it's a complete sentence. 

17:33 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
It's a boundary I don't feel guilty about and you know there's lots of feelings and thoughts and conversations folks have had about when people tell you no or when they say no to you. And I thought of this the day I had a conversation with someone and they were personalizing a no. You know an answer and I was in Trader Joe's and walking around and you know those samples they try to give you and it was something I don't like and the guy said do you want some X? 

17:56
And I said you know, no, no, thank you. And I kept walking and I thought he's not gonna go home and be upset that I said no to that. And I didn't say no because I didn't like him and I didn't say no because he did a poor job of offering me the sample. 

18:11
It was that I don't like olives or I don't like mayonnaise or whatever was in there. It wasn't about him or his delivery or the product. It was just about the fact that at that moment in time that wasn't for me and to not personalize that, no. So when someone says no and you request something or you ask for something and you don't get it, I think people ruminate on that response in a way. That's not necessary and we start, we stick and we kind of replay it. And what could I have done differently? 

18:41 - Stacey (Host)
Why did the no happen? 

18:42 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
And they're not thinking of you after that Like it's not about you, and so I think separating yourself the grief has allowed me to take myself out of things that really aren't personal. 

18:54 - Stacey (Host)
No drama. 

18:55 - --- (Other)
No drama, that's it, no drama. 

18:58 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
And I think the going back part and I do love that saying don't look back, you're not going. That way you can romanticize what's already done. It's the Monday morning quarterback, what you would have done differently, the things you see in hindsight, the relationships you had, things you did or didn't do. That is such an irrelevant waste of time, because every moment that you spend in the present. 

19:22
Trying to renegotiate the past robs you of the future, and so that's really detrimental, I think, in so many ways. But tying into the conversation about grief, it's I should have done. I would have done it's over. Just keep it moving. That's the best thing you can do for yourself. Keep it moving. 

19:43 - Stacey (Host)
That's a good one. That's a good one. I know when I harp on stuff that's happened to you obviously because there's so much more, but I do want. We just had a stress expert in here and we also had in here someone who works with teenagers on addiction and preventing addiction, and I know that you have some experience with that. I do. Can you talk about that a little bit? And I saw the post that you wrote about your son and it's yes. 

20:11 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
And I have often said, and I will still say, that was harder to deal with than the cancer diagnosis. So my son is now 26. He and I have a very close relationship. He's a very loving, wonderful, incredibly talented tattoo artist. I have to throw a shout out there. Griffin underscore tattoos on Instagram. He's terrific, and he and I talk about this in my. He gives permission for me to share his story. So, yeah, I mean, as part of what he dealt with with the loss of Avery and the divorce and all the things he had a really hard time in his early teens and fell into the wrong crowd. And I will beat myself up and say I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to do more to keep him out of that wrong crowd, or maybe I couldn't have. And he often says, mom, this is, we've had a lot of talks about this, there's nothing you could have done, and I appreciate that that's good for parents to understand. 

21:09 - Stacey (Host)
That, like I want to make sure everyone hears there's nothing that you can do, it is not your fault, it isn't. 

21:16 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I mean try to make a teenager do something. I had family members and friends say you should make him do acts Like good luck trying to get a 16-year-old to do something. I mean that's another conversation. 

21:27 - Stacey (Host)
But yeah, all day. 

21:30 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yeah, he started with marijuana and then went to other things and then there was a period of time where he was homeless in Florida and sleeping in laundromats and I would get calls from the emergency room randomly saying he had a seizure in 7-Eleven and he's here and I would try to get him treatment and they would discharge. 

21:50
And there are some really horrific things that happened to him that he went through, including at one point putting his getting a call from the emergency room on Christmas Eve that he put his arm through a glass window and severed all the tendons and needed emergency surgery and they didn't know what drugs were in his system. So he had to wait 12 hours for the surgery and his tattooing arm. 

22:15 - Mark (Host)
His tattooing arm, he used that. 

22:17 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
So, yeah, I mean, he's overcome a tremendous amount of things. When my father died, he was very close to my dad and that is the thing that saved him and he decided Seriously, yes, and he decided when my dad died that he was going to move. Let us move him back to Philadelphia and start over, and he has been clean since my dad died. Yeah, it's almost like your dad 100%, 100%. So that was a super challenging, powerful time. 

22:50 - Stacey (Host)
I just can't imagine being in bed at night Because, no matter what happens to my kids, they say you're only as happy as your saddest child You're not kidding. 

22:57 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
It's a great line. You're not kidding. 

22:58 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, so I mean I remember small things. My daughter is like why is she anxious, or like what's happening, or like what, but to not know where your kid? 

23:07 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
is. It was worse than the cancer that's why. 

23:09
Because there was nothing I can do about it. There was no treatment team for him. Every time we try to get him help, the system is so broken and I'm in behavioral health, I am a clinician, I work with substance abuse, I understand and can navigate that system better than any parent and I couldn't get him the help he needed and they would discharge, I mean all those things. But yeah, I mean actually, when my brother called me the day that my dad had died, I was driving I was actually in driving from Minnesota to Iowa for work and he called and he said I need you to pull over and I thought he was gonna tell me that Griffin died. And so when he said it was my dad, I couldn't wrap my head around that because I thought that was the call, because I always waited for the call. 

23:56 - Stacey (Host)
Any unknown number was the call that many people can relate to that. 

24:01 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I fully expected that call. So you know it was. That's why it was worse, because with the cancer at least she was in the hospital. She had the best team around Children's Hospital Philadelphia phenomenal. We are still friends with her nurse from the PICU. 

24:17
The first night we went to her wedding 16 years later we still have those relationships with her medical team. A lot of the money we raised afterward went to Neuro-Oncology research. I mean such great concept, unbelievable staff there. But yeah, I mean there was a path there and we were on the path with Griffin there was no path. 

24:39 - --- (Other)
It was just what is happening. How can? 

24:40 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
you change it and here I am that this is my field and I can't do anything. So, I always put myself in the position of if I am an articulate, educated woman with some financial means, who knows the system and I can't get my son help, how could someone with no means, who has to go to work every day, who can't make phone calls, who can't? I mean, it's an impossible, broken system. 

25:04 - Stacey (Host)
So what is your advice for those? 

25:05 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
people you know first of all, like and Griffin and I have talked about this many times like, this is your family member's journey. You can't navigate this for them. You can't love them out of it, you can't talk them out of it, you can't bribe them out of it, you can't spend them out of it, you can't possibly do anything that they don't want to do themselves. So it's about readiness, it's about. To me, it was about self-preservation, taking care of yourself in a separate silo from what you're trying to do for your child or your loved one. 

25:41
So, we went to Naranan meetings we did all these things to try to be okay with who we were and what we were doing, so when he was ready, we could have those conversations. It's not easy. It is so easy to say this, it's not easy to do. 

25:56 - Stacey (Host)
Right, there's a lot of focus from who was it? Paul Vecchione was saying on prevention. I don't know how exactly you can prevent it. I mean, I know there's things that Paul talks about, but I guess if once it happens, that's what it is, if there's any way to prevent it at all. That's, I think, where you can maybe focus. Yeah, I don't think. 

26:19 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I think today, the resources and I think the silver lining of COVID is we have started to destigmatize mental health and substance abuse treatment. Finally, it is a disease. It is not a weakness of character, it's not a lack of something. It's just like blaming someone who's diabetic for their poor blood sugar. 

26:40
We would blame someone who has an amputee that they can't walk. That's part of who you are, in your physiology as a human being. That addiction is wired in and we know that now. So there are skills, there are coping mechanisms. There are things we can do earlier on today, in 2024, than we could in 2008. 

27:01
And I'm very encouraged by digital therapeutics and apps and mindfulness and more resources. We're wrapping around young people today, so I think going forward we're gonna have, hopefully, less of a prevalence of that and more prevention opportunities. But back then it was still like what's wrong with your kid, what's wrong with your family? And what I will say to folks who are dealing with this is please, by all means, if there's any advice you take, cut the people out of your life who are blaming you, because that is not who you want in your hype squad. That is not helpful and that is not accurate. So if you have those voices in your head saying what are you doing wrong as a parent, please, immediately. That is just not someone you need to give any emotional bandwidth to. 

27:48 - Mark (Host)
So real quick, let's talk about professional you. 

27:51 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, I was sure I don't wanna hear that. 

27:52 - Mark (Host)
So I really yeah, I wanna make sure we cause, like she's a powerhouse, I mean you're a successful CEO of your own company, and one of the things that you have said was if you make it to the top of the mountain and you're alone, you did it wrong. 

28:06 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Yes, that's a great quote and it's very easy to understand, but what do you? 

28:08 - Mark (Host)
mean by that? 

28:10 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
So I believe in being just intentionally aggressively hyping other women in business. I mean people in business in general but women in business particular. So I don't believe in a scarcity mindset. So in my consulting practice when folks come to work for us, we don't have a non-compete, because I think you should work wherever you wanna work, wherever you can be successful, wherever you can share your talents right, and I think we have to lock on to other women who are running their own business or kind of charting their own course to success and helping push each other up the ladder. 

28:45
So to me you don't get somewhere by yourself. It's about who you know and who you work with and who speaks your name in rooms. I can't tell you how many emails I get where I'll say someone said we should reach out to you for this. Every time that happens I'm so intentional about paying that forward and speaking someone else's name, especially a woman trying to rise in her own business in a room. What can I do for you? What can I do to help you? 

29:12
If I did get to the top of success and I'm there by myself, I did it wrong because I didn't do it alone. It's my responsibility as a woman who has gone through so much professionally and personally to bring other people with me and to say I didn't get here by myself. My business is successful because I have an incredible team of leaders, who happen to be all women on my team. It's not something I could ever do alone. When I was a solo practitioner, my total revenue and what I was able to do was this much Now we're where we are because I have a team of 70 people in a core four that are women, that put everything they have into doing their work so that I can sit here with you today. But I don't sit here alone. I sit there with them silently on the couch next to me. 

30:05
I think if you don't understand that and appreciate that, then you're not successful, because it's not something that you can do solo. Talk about your business, my business. 

30:14 - --- (Other)
Give your pitch. 

30:16 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
I love it. Consulting for Human Services is a strategic advisory service, management consulting in the behavioral health verticals. By behavioral health I mean mental health, substance abuse, autism services and intellectual disabilities. But I wanted to have a more curated personal experience. The folks on my team are hired because they've lived in the field. They've been operators of the service, they've been clinicians, they've been parents of folks who have gone through that experience. I want to have a long-term partnership with my clients. I don't want a transaction, a sale. I don't want a client, I want a partner. I want someone who relies on us. What we've done is we've created this elevated consulting experience where we don't have things on a shelf that we sell and say here, make this work for your needs. We actually sit down and say what do you need? We build that together. Our folks are much closer to the work so we can provide much better guidance. It's not someone who's maybe worked in the field 30 years ago and now they're a professional consultant. We're actually advisors and I think that makes a big difference. 

31:26 - Stacey (Host)
Thank you so much for coming here and being with us. Is there anything else that you want to say before we— there's great insights. 

31:31 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Oh my gosh. I think I would say just in general to women, especially at this point in our careers, at this point in the political mayhem that we're in in our country and in our world, is just don't be hard on yourself. You know what I mean. I think there's so much harshness going on externally. Try to be a little kinder internally, because none of that should get inside of who you are and what you're doing. I think I'll just end with what we talked about when we were prepping is having a bad day doesn't mean you have a bad life. 

32:04 - Mark (Host)
Thank you so much. 

32:05 - Stacy DiStefano (Guest)
Thanks for having me. 

32:07 - Mark (Host)
Thank you all for watching. 

32:12 - Stacey (Host)
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