6 Steps to Find Happiness | Deborah Mallow | Ep 069

➡️  After hitting her breaking point on a New York City subway platform, former Pharma Rep Deborah Mallow made a life-changing decision. She traded exhaustion and burnout for a mission to help others find happiness through practical, science-backed methods. Now a renowned happiness expert, Deborah reveals the 6 steps that transformed her life and can transform yours too.

➡️ Key Takeaways:

✅ 80% of your thoughts are naturally negative (and how to change that)
✅ The exact 6-step system from her book "Six Steps to Fewer Bad Days"
✅ How to protect your energy from negative people
✅ Why happiness isn't about being positive all the time
✅ Practical ways to build resilience and bounce back faster
✅ The science behind lasting happiness
✅ How to break free from negative thought patterns at any age

➡️ Chapters:
00:00 - Why We're Not Happy
02:52 - Meet Deborah Mallow
03:48 - Her Story
06:44 - The Science Behind It
09:25 - The 6 Steps
15:22 - How to Handle Hard Times
17:31 - Dealing with Negative People
19:48 - Daily Practices
21:24 - Is Age a Factor?
22:28 - Wrap Up

📲 Connect with Our Hosts:
Stacey: @staceymgrant
Mark: @mark_lubragge_onair

⭐️ Watch/Subscribe to Gurus and Game Changers on Youtube: www.youtube.com/@UCsRyuQWlLAYzM4IyJlF2IWQ 

📲 Connect with Deborah Mallow
Website: thedailydecisions.com/inspire
Book: "Six Steps to Fewer Days That Suck" https://thedailydecisions.com/author-copy3
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daily.decisions/

#HappinessExpert #PersonalDevelopment #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #PositiveMindset #MindsetShift #SelfHelp #MotivationalSpeaker #WellnessCoach #EmotionalIntelligence #AnxietyTips #LifeCoach #MindsetCoach #DailyHabits #MentalHealthTips #PersonalGrowth #StressManagement #SelfCare #BoundariesCoach #WellnessJourney #SelfHelpTips #MindsetMatters #ThoughtPatterns #PositiveVibes #StressRelief #WellnessPodcast #PositivePsychology #OverthinkingTips #ToxicPeople #EmotionalWellness

Transcript

00:02 - Mark (Host)
Stacey, I have a question how happy are you? Scale of 1 to 10 Every morning when you wake up? How happy are you? 

00:08 - Stacey (Host)
Okay, well, we've talked about this before. When I wake up is not my happiest moment, but it shouldn't matter. 

00:15 - Mark (Host)
That's an energy thing. 

00:16 - Stacey (Host)
Should I wake up, roll over, think about things I'm grateful for? Yeah and start singing, Launch the day and be super excited Because I think there's probably people listening here that are like, come on, that's bullshit. 

00:28 - Mark (Host)
But I think that's a decision, not saying that there aren't bad things, we don't have things to worry about. All that is everybody's life. But how are you built? And you decide to be built as a happy, positive person, which I, yes. No, I'm a happy, positive person. 

00:42 - Stacey (Host)
I'm just saying there's times Like I don't think that we should be like put up against this sort of false sense of what life should be like, like everybody should be happy all the time. 

00:51 - Mark (Host)
No. 

00:52 - Stacey (Host)
You know, because it's just not possible. And if you're authentic and transparent, there's going to be moments and days when you're there's always going to be that for everybody. Right. 

01:00 - Mark (Host)
But I think the happier people manage those things, better navigate through those and still come out not crushed, not dejected, not broken. 

01:14 - Stacey (Host)
That's what Debra Mala would say. Exactly Right, she was our guest today on the podcast and she walked in with a huge smile on her face. 

01:20 - Mark (Host)
She did. She really did, because she's a happiness expert. She's so happy, that's what she is. She's a positive energy expert so happy, that's what she is she lives positive energy expert. Yeah, yeah, and she wrote the book she wrote the book six steps to fewer days. That suck, which actually, yeah, it sounds like it's hey, less negative, but it's actually the decision to be happy. You make the decision, you live the decision, the attitude, the mindset you take, the actions that support, that support your happiness. It's a great. 

01:45
It's a great six day what's the word lesson six lessons, like six steps, to change your mindset from who you are now. You don't have to be super negative, you could just not necessarily be happy, right, but it can happen. 

01:59 - Stacey (Host)
It's reminders, it's just reminders, like make a commitment, like don't have road rage, don't have yeah that Don't have road rage. 

02:05 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, that's tough. That might not be in the book, but road rage is a red flag. 

02:09 - Stacey (Host)
Stop having road rage. That's a big one, but here's the thing. 

02:12 - Mark (Host)
If you are a happy person by nature, you just don't have it. You recognize, whatever you beeped at me, I don't care it, me and my happiness. Right. That's what I think she wants everybody to get to. 

02:23 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah. 

02:24 - Mark (Host)
It's a great feeling. 

02:25 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, well, I'm glad you have it. You're high on life, Mark. Everybody aspires to be like you. I know I do. 

02:33 - Mark (Host)
Thank you. Thank you for saying, did we record that. 

02:35 - Stacey (Host)
Thank you for saying that. Yes, we recorded, we did. 

02:49 - Mark (Host)
Well. 

02:52 - Stacey (Host)
I'm Stacey. 

02:53 - Mark (Host)
And I am Mark, and this is the Guru's A Game Changers podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to the show. I have a question Are you happy? I mean, take a moment, really think about it. How much of your day, any day, do you spend just happy versus down depressed, frustrated, angry? If your answer is not much, then today's guest, Debra Mallow, wants to change that. She is a happiness expert and she's written a book called Six Steps to Fewer Days that Suck. 

03:24 - Stacey (Host)
It's a great title I love that title yeah. 

03:26 - Mark (Host)
And the goal of the book and the goal of everything she does is to retrain your brain, to help you do that, so you can enjoy more, you can worry less, you can sidestep all the toxicity and focus on the positive. Everyone needs a little ray of sunshine every now and again, and today you can tell from her smile that Ray's name is. 

03:48 - Stacey (Host)
Debra Mallett. Debra, welcome to the show. Thanks for coming in. Oh, thank you for having me. So, debra, thank you for coming. Yes, so can you tell us, like what led you to become a positivity and energy coach? 

03:58 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Well, we all have a story, right? Yeah, and I was working really hard as a farmer rep, wanting to be number one over and over, and I did it. But when we push ourselves so hard and we don't care for ourselves that old self-care there's something to it. It zaps our energy, it puts us into a negative frame of mind. And even if you're doing so well, there needs to be balance. We need balance in our lives and we need to enjoy our life, because it's so short and life is too short to be grumpy. That's what I say. 

04:41
Life is too short to be grumpy. That's what I say. 

04:40 - Stacey (Host)
That's what she's trying to be. 

04:42 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
So I just on a New York City subway platform. All of a sudden, everything flashed in front of me and I said what am I doing? I'm pushing myself to exhaustion, I'm not sleeping right, I'm working too hard and there has to be more. But nothing can change unless we make the decision to make the change, and our thoughts are so powerful that it's up to us that we really can change our thoughts and actions. It takes practice, but you can't discredit the strategy before you really try it. 

05:21
I was constantly on a hamster wheel and I think so much of us, so many of us, are on these hamster wheels. We feel stuck, we stay in jobs that are not healthy for us or we don't find the balance, because it's really important to be present in the moment. We have families, we have people that we care about, but if we don't feel good ourselves, then it's very hard to actually be present in the moment and enjoy all the wonderful things in life. What happened was that day on the New York City subway platform. I said something has to change and I started to write a guidebook. It really started just for me, started to write a guidebook. 

06:08
It really started just for me, and I said what are the things I need to do? First, I needed to make the decision. I started with a commitment to myself. Questions, then solutions, action items, a little science. I did a lot of research to try to figure out how can I overcome this? What do I need to do? Because negativity can make you sick. So I wrote this book, the decision that I went into ditching the bad habits, the mindset, the action, the attitude, and then making the commitment. 

06:39 - Stacey (Host)
And I filled in in between 80% of anyone's thoughts during the day is negative. 

06:44 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
That's true. How do you flip that switch? We can reshape our thoughts. Negativity bias is real, it's the caveman brain. 

06:59
Our brains would focus more on negative events than the positive. We would feel the sting and remember the negative more than a positive. Now we can change that thinking. It's really important to slowly work to do it not go down a rabbit hole to stop the circular thinking, to stop the worry, and it's really up to us to make the decision to do it. Is it easy? No, but it makes you feel so much better when you go positive and you don't go negative. 

07:30 - Mark (Host)
So that negativity and just being happy overall, how much of that do you think is tied to being emotionally intelligent? 

07:37 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Well, that's an interesting Daniel Goldman emotional intelligence. I definitely think it has some sort of correlation that if you are in tune with yourself, empathetic, all of that, it would help you to be able to be more self-kind. Because that's really the key, I think, for myself and for everybody is we don't take time to care for ourselves, to nurture ourselves, to balance. 

08:08
it's like all or nothing and I think it's really important to take care of ourselves, and that whole emotional intelligence fits into that I think emotionally immature people tend to focus on the negative. 

08:22 - Stacey (Host)
You think so? 

08:23 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, because they process things that are happening around them and aren't necessarily looking at it. As this doesn't affect me, they're reacting, they're not responding. 

08:32 - Stacey (Host)
And it's just instantaneous. They're not interpreting. 

08:35 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
And we all default to negative right 80% yeah, responding, and it's just instant they're not interpreting, yeah, and, and we all default to negative right 80. So, yeah, I don't know how those people can be as happy as people who are more emotionally mature so many of the things we worry about, so many of the things that judgment or everything like that it's it will be okay. Yeah, it might be a tough time, but we can get through it. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

09:02 - Stacey (Host)
I think that caveman thing you said was cool because I feel like the cavemen, they had to think about the negative right, Because they're either going to get killed. They have to kill, they're going to get eaten, they have to find their wife, like, they have like five things that they need to do, right, and so they're just going to think about how to protect themselves, feel like when you feel safer, you're more positive. So I think it kind of like probably right fits right in. Can you walk us through the six steps and how? 

09:25 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
you got there. So, as I mentioned, the first step is making that decision right, to actually take care of yourself, to stop the negative talk track and actually work through what's holding you back. I just slowly wrote this book and I just stopped myself from just going negative. So the next thing is the ditching ditch bad habits. We all have our negative habits and it's just a matter of each one of us has to reconcile with what they are and for them so that they can be happier. 

10:08 - Mark (Host)
What does that mean, though? What bad habits relate to being unhappy? 

10:12 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Well, constantly going negative feeling you're judged. That anger just lashing out at people. 

10:18 - Stacey (Host)
I want to go back to the first one again. So just stop your negative thoughts. I think someone's probably listening and saying how do I just stop my negative thoughts? Like, if a negative thought pops up, are you talking about you? Then think to yourself oh, negative thought, everybody. Stop Just recognizing it. But aren't you supposed to live in that negative for a second? According to all the therapists, now and let it soak in and tell me how you work that. 

10:41 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
It takes time. I mean, it's not like you're going to wake up one morning and go they're all gone but getting up in the morning and saying a positive affirmation. But you can't just say a positive affirmation, you have to put action behind it, starting yourself off on a positive note. It's a conscious decision. It's really important to ask yourself why would I do this to myself? Why would I punish myself over and over and over again? Because that's really what it's like, it's a jail sentence when you're constantly unhappy or negative why, every day isn't perfect and we're all human beings. I think the key is to give ourselves permission and I keep going back to this to be kind to ourselves. The other thing is building confidence and resilience. Okay, so we got the first two, what's the third one? 

11:39 - Stacey (Host)
The mindset, the mindset, right, that's huge, right yeah. 

11:42 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
And that's what we need to do is focus our mindset on more positive energy. The brain likes patterns and when we develop positive patterns it tends to stick, and this is proven by science. Put prompts on your fridge, however you want to do it. Hang positive quotes above your mirror, things when you get up in the morning to make you think, to start the day on a positive note. 

12:15 - Stacey (Host)
So you change your mindset. And then what's the fourth one? The action. 

12:21 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Oh, we gotta take some action. 

12:23 - Stacey (Host)
Yeah, we gotta take action. 

12:24 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Because you're slowly building these habits. Take action every day to enjoy your life, to stop yourself from letting all these negatives anger, worry, stress, anxiety, all that stuff and it will happen because we're human beings. But to lessen the impact Right, so that you can get through it, you can push through the obstruction. We control our thoughts and actions. We can't control other people, don't even try but we can control how we think. So then, what's five and six? 

12:59 - Stacey (Host)
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13:20 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
So then, what's five and six? So then the attitude. I know mindset, but also the attitude. When I was traveling, somebody said to me attitude is the key ingredient to a happy life. I don't want to be Pollyanna and say you're going to be happy all the time, but a happier life, that you feel good about yourself, that the people around you feel good too. It's changing the cycle, you know. It's just changing how we think and how we react and slowly but surely, we feel better about ourselves and that, at the very end, we make the commitment, you know, not to be complacent, to polish ourselves to brilliance buy that book, because everything that deborah just said I have gone through myself personally. 

14:15 - Mark (Host)
I think it is a decision, I think happiness is absolutely a decision. You have to make that decision Number one. You have to commit to it by doing things and having a mindset, taking the action right, that supports you, deciding to be happy, to give you a grounding in happiness, and you have to stick with it because it's going to happen. 

14:33 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
This is why I wanted to have you on the show. 

14:34 - Mark (Host)
No, it's wonderful Because I'm 100% aligned and if you're not feeling the joy that clearly this woman exudes, I know, look at her. 

14:41 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
So happy. I love to inspire people. It breaks my heart because I know how it feels, as you know how it feels. It breaks my heart that people feel unstuck, that they're not able to get out of their own way. 

15:02 - Stacey (Host)
When something devastating happens, like what's happening now in California with the fires, and when the world just seems daunting and overwhelming. I'm sure there are people who are out there who are like this advice doesn't help me. Six ways to be happy. How do you translate what you're talking about here into something bigger? 

15:22 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Unfortunate events occur all the time. We really need to move forward and pick ourselves up and just get through it. That's why aligning yourself with people that are positive, not the negative, toxic people, is so important. There is joy on the other side of these horrible things. 

15:49 - Mark (Host)
It sounds like you find your happiness set point, and that's who you are as a person, and it's not a shield. It's not going to prevent the negative, horrible things from ever reaching you, but it acts more like a salve. 

16:01 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Yes. Yeah, or it lets you heal faster. 

16:05 - Mark (Host)
What's a salve? So like a yeah, no, no, no I mean, what are you using as a salve? Just your happiness based If you're a happy person. Then that's just where you land, yeah, and it won't stop the bad things, it won't keep them out. 

16:16 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
The horrible things are going to happen all around you and the not so horrible things are just still negative or how they're getting through, but it's how you heal and your happiness acts as that antidote and it's, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very true. 

16:33 - Mark (Host)
Can we mark the time code? Can we put that? 

16:34 - Stacey (Host)
that was cool, I like that sorry, sorry, no, it's deborah's it's deborah's. We're still here. 

16:41 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Let's stop, oh okay include that, I want you to include that. It makes a whole lot of sense. It really does, because we can't be happy all the time, but we can be kind, powerful, that we can take ourselves out of our misery, out of the drama. 

17:13 - Mark (Host)
Anybody can do it. I firmly believe that, but I also know people that I don't think they can do it there there's negative people in my life that I know not in my life but I know of people that are. Their set point is just negative. And maybe that's it. Maybe they need to have that subway platform moment. 

17:31 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
You can't change them. You can't, no, you can't change other people, no way. 

17:36 - Mark (Host)
Honestly, my recommendation to people is just you've got to distance yourself from those people. Yes, and maybe you can't physically distance yourself because they're in your family or whatever, but that's where the happiness can become a shield. They could feel so much better if they just make a decision you know, ditch the bad habits get changed their mindset all this stuff they. 

17:55 - Stacey (Host)
It would be so good for them, right? Well, that's a perfect world right there you're talking about, if they changed just for that person I want them to change. 

18:02 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
I know to get unstuck, I mean it really. Sometimes it breaks your heart, the person that is going through it I know, and you hear all those stories and you talk until you're blue in the face and you can't change somebody who doesn't want to change themselves. I don't know. Some people, I guess, like to be miserable. 

18:19 - Stacey (Host)
My old therapist used to tell me that there's neuropathways in your brain. You can't change other people. But when there are negative, nasty people around you, what do you do? Is it what mark said? Do you? Do you throw out the um solve? 

18:35 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
I? I say it in my book. You know, sometimes, through work and other situations, we don't have a choice. But when we have a choice, if you can limit the contact or simply detach because there's nothing positive that's going to come from that you're not going to change them and all they're going to do is bring you down, and negative people do that. 

19:04
So you just feel the, that negative energy and it does. We're human beings, we feel it, we internalize it. It's better to let it go. We have to take care of ourselves. It goes back to that. 

19:16 - Stacey (Host)
Self-care goes back to boundaries I forget who mentioned this, but like someone said, can you imagine saying what you say inside of a car loud to somebody else in an elevator? 

19:27 - Mark (Host)
Yeah, could you imagine. If? 

19:27 - Stacey (Host)
you wouldn't say it in an elevator to someone. Don't say it. That's good advice. 

19:31 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
And we really need. I keep going back to this, but it's really true, it's part of all of this. We need to be kind to ourselves. When we're kind to ourselves, people that are kind to themselves are kind to other people. Can you give me a couple mantras? 

19:45 - Stacey (Host)
I are kind to other people Can you give me a couple mantras. 

19:48 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
I am nice, I am kind, I am beautiful. No, I don't. Is that yours? Every day, every morning? 

19:50 - Stacey (Host)
No, my mantra is in yoga. I look up at the ceiling and I say I'm here, I'm enough. 

19:57 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
I'm here Because I'm just trying to stay present, yes, and I'm trying to remind myself about all the stuff that I'm worried about. 

20:03 - Stacey (Host)
It's good, like I'm good. 

20:05 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Whatever I want to work on that day, I say something to myself. In the book there's many different ones depending on the topic. If I'm going to work with a group of people or people like family members that are not so positive, say I will not let anybody bring me down, I will tap into my positive energy. What's your mantra? 

20:34 - Mark (Host)
Mine is Stacy's here and she's enough. 

20:39 - Stacey (Host)
No, your personal one no. Don't you stand in the mirror and say I'm handsome, I'm strong? No, I'm going to work out for the 14th time today. I'm Mark Labrogi 1B2G. Uh no don't you? 

20:46 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
don't you stand in the mirror and say I'm handsome, I'm strong? 

20:47 - Stacey (Host)
no, I'm gonna work out for the 14th time today. I'm mark labraji 1b2g. I'm here and I'm way too much that's not a positive mantra oh, you're right, see that see we need to work with him. 

20:58 - Mark (Host)
I have one final question, yeah can I ask my final question, or you want, okay, one final question. We have people who watch the show of all different ages, right? Somebody older, somebody younger, someone is saying that's all fine and good. It's easy for you guys to change like you're not where I am, you know, I just bought a giant home and I got three kids and you're at a different stage right all right, yeah, horrible things you don't know what I've been through. 

21:24
Is there an age component or is there no age component to this? 

21:29 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
That's why I want to help teens, kids, because I think it starts really young, I think, if we frame it up and train our minds to think more positively and then you're used to that and the way it feels it follows you through your life. So I don't know that I could generalize Is it younger or older? I think it's a conscious decision. We could train our minds to believe, even with all the horrible things that could happen in life, to know that we can tap into that optimism. We shouldn't limit ourselves to do anything to believe. We could do anything to be positive, to feel good about ourselves and push ourselves forward, no matter our age, it doesn't matter, it's a mindset. 

22:23 - Stacey (Host)
I love that. And anyone can have less days. That suck yes. 

22:26 - Mark (Host)
Especially if they days that suck. 

22:27 - Stacey (Host)
Yes, especially if they read your book. 

22:28 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Yes, so what's next for you? My whole goal, as I mentioned to you, is really to work more on helping the teens and children feel good about themselves and, of course, to inspire others to get unstuck to find their sunshine, and that's what I do every day. I love that about you, Debra. 

22:51 - Stacey (Host)
You're getting to me. That's awesome. Thank you so much. Well, thank you for all the work that you're doing. 

22:54 - Mark (Host)
Yes, thank you, and thank you for coming on the show. We really do appreciate it. Thank you very, very much. It's been great talking to you. 

22:59 - Stacey (Host)
It's been awesome You're making me Thank you. That is an accomplishment, yes A smiling is what? 

23:09 - Deborah Mallow (Guest)
Did you hear what he said? That's an accomplishment. Oh, that's funny, we'll cut that part. You always smile, you always say we'll cut that part. 

23:13 - Mark (Host)
I always keep it in. We never cut that part, I always keep it in. Well, thank you again. It's been wonderful. 

23:16 - Stacey (Host)
Thanks, debra, and thank you guys for watching. You're still here. You're still listening. Thanks for listening to the Gurus and Game Changers podcast While you're here. If you enjoyed it, please take a minute to rate this episode and leave us a quick review. We want to know what you thought of the show and what you took from it and how it might have helped you. We read and appreciate every comment. Thanks, See you next week.